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Band 7.5

Nowadays, all of the important media is always accessible and free due to the significant development of data dissemination using the Internet.

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Nowadays, all of the important media is always accessible and free
due to
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 the significant development of data dissemination using the Internet.
Therefore
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, the topic of the future of printed
books
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 and newspapers became the reason for many arguments. Despite the less relevance of printed media because of improvements in technology, I can say that I disagree with the opinion that it will disappear. First and foremost, physical
books
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 are distinguished by their privacy and security. Electronic data can not be safe enough, because everything digital can be lost
due to
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 a forgotten password or hacked profile.
In contrast
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 to
this
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, printed materials are not at risk of hacking or cyber-attacks. Database hacks and information leaks are serious problems for digital platforms and online resources,
while
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 paper cannot be hacked or infected with viruses.
According to
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 the statistics, over 50% of Internet users think that some companies can easily use their personal information.
Moreover
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, paper
books
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 are less harmful to health, especially to the eyes. Reading on a
screen
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 can cause eye strain
due to
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screen
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 glow and pixels. Paper
analogs
Change the spelling
analogues
show examples
 do not have these problems because they do not emit light or have pixels.
Additionally
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,
screen
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 devices have changes in
screen
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 brightness, which can
also
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 put a strain on the eyes.
To sum up
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, printed
books
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 and newspapers are nowhere near extinct. Online materials can be more relevant, but still have a bunch of disadvantages, that do not allow them to displace traditional ones.
Nevertheless
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, it is most likely that the future will see a balance between electronic and physical information.

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overall structure
Expand the conclusion to restate your main points more clearly and reinforce your argument.
coherence
Use more transition words and phrases to link your ideas even more smoothly and logically.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and data to strengthen your arguments further.
overall structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential for a well-structured response.
task achievement
You provide valid points on the security and health benefits of physical books.
coherence
The essay is logically organized, making it easy to follow your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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