IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problems does this cause? What do you think is a possible solution?

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In developing nations, the number of first-sale cars is increasing.
This
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 leads to more vehicles flooding the streets, which causes
air
Use synonyms
 quality degradation and a higher percentage of car
accidents
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. The most viable solution to these problems could be enhancements in the policies of transport regulation. The progressive trend in auto sales can have detrimental effects on the environment, with
air
Use synonyms
 quality being the first to suffer. More cars on the road means more gas emissions will be produced, causing environmental pollution. Another issue is that the number of car
accidents
Use synonyms
 is likely to rise as streets become increasingly jam-packed over time and as less space is available for parking cars. In these circumstances, drivers will have a greater chance of hitting others
while
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 commuting.
For example
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, in Ukraine, an increase in traffic
accidents
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 has been observed during the past decade, which has brought a certain level of inconvenience to the government and problems to all road users. To solve these issues, the authorities could implement some adjustments in traffic regulation policies. The environmental impact of combustion engines could be mitigated by prohibiting the usage of non-electric vehicles in downtown areas and by committing to the development of extra green zones.
Consequently
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,
this
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 approach is expected to lead to improvements in
air
Use synonyms
 quality.
For instance
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, in Kyiv, the restriction has been applied to all private transport in the city centre on weekends, and the surrounding streets have been pedestrianized, with numerous attractions being performed there. In conclusion, the growth of car sales in developing countries is a positive sign for the country's economy;
however
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, it
also
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 presents drawbacks,
such
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 as
air
Use synonyms
 pollution and more traffic
accidents
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. Government actions,
such
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 as policy adjustments to reduce exhaust emissions and open up additional green spaces, could help to resolve these issues.

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Task Achievement
Be sure to fully develop your points with more detailed examples. While you provided some examples, elaborating further could strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and transitions to enhance the flow of ideas between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
For an even higher score, try to directly address the prompt's questions more explicitly in both your introduction and conclusion to make your position and solutions clearer.
Coherence & Cohesion
You structured your essay logically, which made your argument easy to follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present and generally align with the task's requirements.
Task Achievement
You successfully articulated the main causes of the problem and proposed plausible solutions, showing a good understanding of the essay topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • traffic congestion
  • carbon emissions
  • air pollution
  • climate change
  • fuel prices
  • imported oil
  • road maintenance
  • public transportation
  • economic inequality
  • societal divide
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