IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
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People
 have different views as to whether individuals should take
risks
 in terms of their jobs and their private lives. In my opinion, despite there are drawbacks to
this
, I firmly believe it brings about many more benefits. On the one hand, there are two cons regarding taking
risks
.
Firstly
, it has a potential for failure, which affects
people
's confidence and might lead to loss of money and time,
such
 as investing in a new business or a brand new stock, studying in foreign countries, and changing jobs.
Secondly
, too many
risks
 could lead to a complicated
life
 since individuals would feel anxious, stressed, and pressured towards the challenge.
Consequently
, it directly impacts
people
 around those
people
, creating uncomfortable circumstances.
In addition
, all of
this
 could result in a negative impact on relationships
due to
 uncertainty in personal and professional
life
.
On the other hand
, there are three pros on why humans should take
risks
.
Firstly
, it often leads to personal growth in terms of mental and physical health since
people
 would have to travel or challenge themselves by doing a new thing, which brings self-discovery and more
life
 experiences.
Secondly
, it results in career development because
people
 would have an opportunity to learn many new skills and gain several of knowledge. In doing so, they will receive high incomes and be in a better career position.
Lastly
, taking
risks
 leads to a more exciting
life
 as their
life
 will not be a routine. In conclusion, I genuinely believe that the positives of taking
risks
 outweigh the negatives.
Submitted by pandin21 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task and covers both advantages and disadvantages of taking risks but could benefit from more specific examples to strengthen your points. Try to elaborate on the general statements with particular instances or case studies for better illustration.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured and includes an introduction and conclusion, there is some room for better transition between ideas. Consider using cohesive devices (e.g., 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' 'For instance') to connect your points more smoothly and clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow your argument.
task achievement
You have successfully identified both positive and negative aspects of taking risks, providing a balanced view that aligns with the task requirements.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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