Crime is becoming a serious concern. Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime. While others feel that little action can be done to stop crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Firstly
, I do believe that crime
is becoming more of a serious concern also
I agree with the people who think that more action should be taken to prevent it. Let's start with why I took that side the answer is pretty simple we need to be more serious and careful about crime
not just the action of doing something illegal not just the fact that anyone can talk about it freely or give their own thoughts makes the idea of doing a crime
not that bad or scary some would even think it is fun and they would like to try it one day if we just stopped talking about crime
so freely and start taking actions for an example, kidnapping has always been a huge crime
for as long as I can remember if we I sm taking about everyone start taking actions we would be able to help the child who is kidnapped , the family of the child who is kidnapped and lastly
get rid of the kidnapper. Finally
, it is very important if you see a crime
being done in front of you that you report it and do not stay silent your voice can save someone's life , open new doors for them and put a stop to these heartless people with their heartless acts and help us to stop crime
or at least lower the crime
rates so we can live a safe life without worrying about that idea of crime
haunting me or my family or even strangers.Submitted by alaanoudaltammaami on
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introduction conclusion present
Your essay lacks a clear introduction to the topic and a conclusive ending. Try to have a brief introduction that outlines both views and state your opinion clearly. Similarly, ensure you have a proper conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
logical structure
The ideas presented are somewhat repetitive and not clearly organized. Make sure each paragraph focuses on one clear main idea and provides supporting details. Avoid run-on sentences for better clarity.
relevant specific examples
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples. Providing concrete instances or data can help to strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have conveyed generally clear ideas about the need to prevent crime and have argued your stance with some valid points.
complete response
You have shown awareness of the complexities around the issue of crime and its prevention. This is a good foundation for a strong discussion of both views.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite