IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion on this ?

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it is believed that working is an essential thing in our lives for all ages.
However
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, unfortunately, somewhere in the world, people involve
children
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 in their business. In my opinion, I am against the phenomenon of child labour because initial education creates successful generations and makes developing nations. first and foremost, I believe that all kids have to study and complete their educational level at school. education can improve
children
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's lives and give them more opportunities in the future.
In other words
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, Developed
countries
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 concentrate on a learning system
instead
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 of careers.
For instance
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, after the world wars the initial services that governments focused on were building educational systems,
such
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 as schools and universities to let the youths take advantage of their lives.
Moreover
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, the experience that
children
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 learn from school can reflect their future careers.
Consequently
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, A lot of
countries
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 prevent
children
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 under 18 from working, and if they find any of these cases, the government punishes the firm.
On the other hand
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, some families are sending their
children
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 to
work
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 to gain money and help them in difficult life conditions. A career is a basic thing in life but not in the childhood period.
For example
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, poor
countries
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 depend on
children
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 to
work
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 but they don’t recognise that they destroy the generations.
Thus
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, if only the government would endeavour to strive to protect
children
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 to
work
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 and commit the families to enrol their
children
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 to study by encouraging them with presents after finishing school.
To sum up
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, all
countries
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 must focus on childhood and create opportunities for them to study
instead
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 of
work
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.

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task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear stance on the issue, but it can be more engaging by stating the importance of education and the negative impact of child labor right at the beginning.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured, transitions between paragraphs and ideas can be smoother. Use linking phrases to ensure better flow.
task achievement
Your main points are supported, but more specific examples and data would enhance the credibility of your arguments. Consider adding more evidence from real-world situations.
task achievement
You have a clear stance on the issue, and you've provided relevant arguments to support your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion which summarize your points effectively.
task achievement
The essay topic is fully addressed, discussing both the ethical implications and the potential advantages of child labor, although you are against it.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child labor
  • Exploitation
  • Minimum age
  • Work experience
  • Survival
  • Taking responsibility
  • Education
  • Poverty
  • Legal restrictions
  • Physical toll
  • Psychological impact
  • Cultural perceptions
  • International conventions
  • Economic impact
  • Work-study programs
  • Skilled labor
  • Unskilled labor
  • Developing economies
  • Moral implications
  • Professional development
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