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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society.

#people #sites #facebook #impact #individuals #society
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It is widely thought that human beings,either individually or socially, are overwhelmed with the drawbacks of social
media
. I certainly agree with the idea because the
over usage
Correct your spelling
overuse
show examples
 of social
media
 can be a waste of time
as well as
 leaving us with an online footprint which would be difficult to erase. It is evident that
people
 tend to spend more time online.
In other words
, addiction to technology is increasing manually. Studies illustrate that an average person occasionally spends 4 to 6 hours on social
media
 , applications including Facebook, Instagram and Tickock, every day which is a considerable amount of time. Even though these hours could have been dedicated to other activities
such
 as exercising, education, and interacting with friends or relatives,
people
 tend to squander them on online platforms where they obtain no decent results.
Moreover
, another concern is oversharing in social
media
.
In addition
,
people
 these days tend to share everything online, from the food they eat to the party they attend at the weekends. Eventually, all
this
 shared information will be considered online footprints which are intensively hard to delete.
Also
, many
people
 struggle with their online footprints nowadays because they want to apply for a job and their online profile might be checked after the interviews, so if they have posted obnoxious content, that would have negative consequences on the results of their job interview. In conclusion, the growing trend of using social networking sites may not be considered totally harmless. In fact, many individuals may overshare their personal life online and create a detrimental online footprint
as well as
 others who are likely to waste a lot of searching online.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
Your overall response to the task is strong, but there is room for improvement in supporting your main points with more relevant and specific examples. Consider including statistical data or real-life instances to make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, yet there are some areas where cohesion could be enhanced. Pay attention to your use of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, thus, however) to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
task achievement
You've articulated a clear and comprehensive response to the task, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are mostly well-supported. Further strengthening these with specific examples can make them even more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • face-to-face
  • interactions
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • misinformation
  • polarize
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • procrastination
  • productivity
  • social isolation
  • dissemination
  • breeding ground
  • vast amounts
  • personal information
  • mental health
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