IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #years #times #lives #adult #life #happiness #spite #responsibilities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many
people
Use synonyms
 think that the teenage years are the happiest time of
people
Use synonyms
's lives,
while
Linking Words
 some think that adulthood brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. In
people
Use synonyms
's
lives
Add a comma
lives,
show examples
 happiness really depends on the situation of the
people
Use synonyms
's
life
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, we will discuss both sides of
life
Use synonyms
 with examples and valid evidence. When
people
Use synonyms
 are young, they do not have responsibility, as they are being supported by their parents financially and emotionally. Younger
people
Use synonyms
 tend to spend more time on social media, just as they do not have anything to worry about. Teenagers hang out with friends, rather than spending time with their family, as they think family
life
Use synonyms
 is boring and stressful.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the cartoon Doremon, Nobita is not worried about his
life
Use synonyms
 as Doremon has his back.
However
Linking Words
, adolescents are on the threshold of adult
life
Use synonyms
: they're old enough to get a part-time job, so they can enjoy their first taste of financial independence. They are financially able to take care of their expense,
hence
Linking Words
 is no need to be anxious about money
while
Linking Words
 enjoying their
life
Use synonyms
. Despite of
responsilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
, they adore their
life
Use synonyms
, because they are not answerable to anyone for their spending nights out with friends. The greatest benefit is that maturity gives you greater confidence in your own judgement, in all areas of
life
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, teenage
life
Use synonyms
 is the most enjoyable and cherishable moment of
life
Use synonyms
, you cherish every moment of
life
Use synonyms
 without fear, because your parents have your back,
while
Linking Words
 in adult
life
Use synonyms
 sometimes you are afraid of losing something in your
life
Use synonyms
, as you're responsibilities burden over your happiness despite of having financial stability.
Submitted by mubassirakolia78 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your examples and ensure they are clearly connected to the main argument. For instance, the reference to Nobita and Doremon could be better linked to the general argument about teenage life.
task achievement
Work on developing paragraphs further to explore ideas in more depth. This could include providing additional supporting details or counterpoints.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay. This can help make your argument more coherent and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining your introduction to more clearly outline the points you will be discussing. This can help set clear expectations for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This is crucial for maintaining coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed both viewpoints as required by the prompt. This shows a good understanding of what is asked in the task.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples that help illustrate your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adolescence
  • fulfillment
  • responsibilities
  • exploration
  • long-term goals
  • sense of stability
  • carefree
  • contentment
  • well-being
  • life stage
  • unique opportunities
  • deep satisfaction
What to do next:
Look at other essays: