IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Children are influenced by their friend’s opinions. In what ways are children affected by their friends? How can parents make sure this influence is positive?

#children #friend’s #friends #parents #influence
Nowadays, many
children
 are influenced by their friends’ opinions
due to
 most of their
activities
 happening in
school
.
Hence
, in
this
 essay, I will discuss some
activities
 that are affected by their friends and what measures can be taken by
parents
 to ensure that it will bring positive outcomes. Based on my experience, nearly 80% of the total
activities
 happen in
school
;
therefore
, all behaviours related to
children
 are influenced by their peers including how they talk to each other or eating order. They encounter
such
 a situation because there is a domino effect happening between these
children
.
On the other hand
, they cannot decide which one is good or bad yet;
thus
, they only receive and copy what their friends did in the past.
For example
, they usually have lunch together and there is one kid who dislikes potatoes which can affect other kids.
Nevertheless
, there are some measures which can be taken by
parents
 to ensure the positivity of their
children
’s
activities
. Choosing a reputable
school
 for their sons and daughters is the most essential decision for
parents
 because usually they have a good education program for them so they can be taught properly. Another crucial point is that usually, most
children
 with good personalities come from a well-educated
school
;
as a result
, their
children
 may have better friendships and relationships. In conclusion, most
children
’s habits
such
 as eating habits and how they are having conversations are influenced by their friends;
consequently
,
parents
 should minimize the risk by choosing a well reputable
school
 for their
children
.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that each main point in your essay is thoroughly supported with specific, compelling examples to demonstrate a clearer understanding.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between ideas to enhance the flow of the essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Conclude with a brief summary of the main points discussed to reinforce the arguments presented in the essay, ensuring that the conclusion is robust and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed, which helps set the stage for the reader.
coherence cohesion
The response is generally well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing relevant points about the influence of friends on children and how parents can mitigate negative impacts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: