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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays many people work part or full time from home. Some people say that working from home has many benefits while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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It is a corollary fact that working from
home
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 has become a phenomenon in the technological digital era that was a consequence of a specific recent epidemic, which, some people believe, would generate plenty of benefits. Conseverly, the rest hold the opposite rationale that I firmly agree with.
To begin
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 with, there are various beneficial returns from working from
home
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.
Firstly
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, The proposal group insists that employees could schedule their timeline plans in an optimal way to achieve the most effective times, which helps stimulate them to pursue a few of the target purposes in a specific period.
For example
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,
this
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 flexible timeline allows them to self-study or do additional part-
time
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 tasks in their free
time
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, which enables them to grasp more experience or professional knowledge before climbing higher positions in their occupation.
Secondly
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, these staff no longer waste
time
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 and energy commuting and the business holders could save the rental fees.
Hence
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, these workforces could spend
this
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 movement
time
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 for themselves and spending
time
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 with their families, which leads to an ideal life with a work-life balance condition.
Lastly
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, but more important than anything, workers can design their
home
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 office environment in any way they like, which helps them remove background noise and external distractions and triggers higher productivity.
Nevertheless
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, there are some disadvantages of working from
home
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.
Initially
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, people could miss out on the collective energy of the office because interaction with optimistic and high-energizers could spread
this
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 power to their surrounding colleagues.
For instance
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, some senior excellent staff could help their junior fellows solve some difficult tasks by guiding visual instruction on the graphic screen to complete
this
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 task on
time
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.
Furthermore
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, Face-to-face interaction with co-workers and bosses is irreplaceable, which could lead to a feeling of isolation and loneliness.
Besides
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, people could be easily distracted by some multimedia content on web-based platforms, which results in delaying urgent projects and generates many problems.
Finally
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, Working from
home
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 can blur the boundaries between our private and professional lives.
As a consequence
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, All the stress accumulated during the working day often makes it difficult to wind down at
home
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.
To conclude
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, both of these aforementioned factors are justifiable. From my perspective, I still reject working from
home
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 because the fragile border between work and personal life could deteriorate my living standards.

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task achievements
Your essay demonstrates a clear response to the prompt, discussing both views and providing your opinion. However, you can improve by presenting your ideas more clearly and logically. Make sure each paragraph flows naturally to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Although your essay has a structure, at times it feels a bit disjointed. Try to improve the logical flow of your arguments to ensure coherence and cohesion. Transitional phrases could be used more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are complex and interesting, but there are minor grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing that can impede understanding. Try to simplify some of your language for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction is strong, setting up the topic well and giving a clear stance, which is reiterated in the conclusion.
task achievements
You’ve provided specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments. For example, you mentioned the flexible timeline allowing for additional part-time tasks and saving rental fees.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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