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Band 7

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?.

#countries #people #population #governments #society
It is widely believed that many communities are ageing recently which indeed concerns the governments.
However
, elderly people are beloved, they may need special cares that cost a lot of money.
Also
, an old population will certainly struggle with many challenges including a decline in economy and workforce. First of all, how the older population is treated can affect the younger
generations'
Correct your spelling
generation's
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 mindset.
In other words
, our grandparents must be respected and treated decently because they have dedicated their lives to their children and country, so it will be unfair to leave them alone when they need us.
For
this
 reason, being certain that you will still be loved and your efforts will be appreciated even when you can not function properly, can motivate youth and encourage them to work harder.
Although
, taking care of
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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 can grow a sense of empathy and commitment in the youth which results in a more responsible generation.
On the other hand
, older society means less workforce. Elders are unable to work for long hours and they need special health care.
Additionally
, not only they will not assist the country's economy but
also
, the government has to spend a substantial amount of money to take care of them. Eventually, an old community may result in economic challenges that have to be avoided. In conclusion, even though elders should be loved and cherished in society, it is challenging to have an old community. The detrimental repercussions of having an ageing population outweigh the benefits of it so, the governments have to implement solutions to avoid it.
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task achievement
To improve your score, make sure to address all parts of the question fully and develop your points with more specific examples. You might, for instance, discuss particular ways in which elderly people can contribute to society or delve deeper into the potential economic impacts of an ageing population.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by using more varied linking words and phrases. This would help to show the relationship between your ideas more clearly. Try to make each paragraph flow more smoothly into the next.
coherence cohesion
To boost cohesion, you could focus on providing a clearer logical progression of ideas. Ensure each main point is supported by relevant examples. This will make your argument more convincing and joined-up.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the discussion well. This is important for a high score in coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You've highlighted several key points, such as the need for special care for the elderly and the potential economic impacts of an ageing population. This demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You've shown empathy and ethical consideration for the elderly, which adds depth to your argument. This is engaging and makes your essay more comprehensive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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