In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?.

#countries #people #population #governments #society

It is widely believed that many communities are ageing recently which indeed concerns the governments.

However

, elderly people are beloved, they may need special cares that cost a lot of money.

Also

, an old population will certainly struggle with many challenges including a decline in economy and workforce. First of all, how the older population is treated can affect the younger

generations'

Correct your spelling

generation's

show examples

mindset.

In other words

, our grandparents must be respected and treated decently because they have dedicated their lives to their children and country, so it will be unfair to leave them alone when they need us.

For

this

reason, being certain that you will still be loved and your efforts will be appreciated even when you can not function properly, can motivate youth and encourage them to work harder.

Although

, taking care of

elderly

Correct article usage

the elderly

show examples

can grow a sense of empathy and commitment in the youth which results in a more responsible generation.

On the other hand

, older society means less workforce. Elders are unable to work for long hours and they need special health care.

Additionally

, not only they will not assist the country's economy but

also

, the government has to spend a substantial amount of money to take care of them. Eventually, an old community may result in economic challenges that have to be avoided. In conclusion, even though elders should be loved and cherished in society, it is challenging to have an old community. The detrimental repercussions of having an ageing population outweigh the benefits of it so, the governments have to implement solutions to avoid it.

Submitted by TUTOO on Fri Aug 02 2024

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task achievement

To improve your score, make sure to address all parts of the question fully and develop your points with more specific examples. You might, for instance, discuss particular ways in which elderly people can contribute to society or delve deeper into the potential economic impacts of an ageing population.

coherence cohesion

Enhance coherence by using more varied linking words and phrases. This would help to show the relationship between your ideas more clearly. Try to make each paragraph flow more smoothly into the next.

coherence cohesion

To boost cohesion, you could focus on providing a clearer logical progression of ideas. Ensure each main point is supported by relevant examples. This will make your argument more convincing and joined-up.

coherence cohesion

The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the discussion well. This is important for a high score in coherence and cohesion.

task achievement

You've highlighted several key points, such as the need for special care for the elderly and the potential economic impacts of an ageing population. This demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.

task achievement

You've shown empathy and ethical consideration for the elderly, which adds depth to your argument. This is engaging and makes your essay more comprehensive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

261 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

ageing population
benefits
disadvantages
advantages
experience
knowledge
contribution
economy
society
healthcare
youth employment
community
intergenerational support
volunteerism
mentorship
increased demand
pension costs
social welfare systems
workforce
productivity
intergenerational conflict
technological adaptability
dependency
effective
skill development
employment opportunities
intergenerational solidarity
communication
lifelong learning
technological literacy
age-friendly
social policies
infrastructure

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of preschool age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids.

Studying art in school improves students' performance in other subjects, because it is easier for multi-skilled students to learn new things. That's why art should be obligatory in schools. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, younger people are neglecting their right to vote. What problems does this cause and what are some of the possible solutions?

Some people say that in all levels of education, from primary schools to universities, too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skill. Do you agree or disagree?

A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweight its drawbacks?