IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweight the disadvantages?

#technology #people #cellphone #security #cameras #cases #development #outweight
In recent years, new technologies have been improved and it means that they have more options
of using
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for use
show examples
. Phones and cameras used by
people
 to look after something or somebody, can be beneficial for
nation
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the nation
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,
however
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however,
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 it is not always good, because,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can be used for negative purposes.
In
Correct your spelling
An
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 obvious argument
in
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for
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 its negative influence, is that some
people
 can use it for their own purposes, which can be damaging
for
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to
show examples
 others.
For example
, it can be used for spying
for
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on
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 somebody without their permission, which is
violation
Correct article usage
a violation
show examples
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of others
show examples
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
 rights. So, it is proving that not every person can use
such
 strong
weapon
Fix the agreement mistake
weapons
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 and have to be restricted for everybody, except policemen.
Nevertheless
, it
also
 can bring lots of benefits.
For example
, some shop owners can establish cameras to look after the products
that
Correct word choice
so that
show examples
 nothing
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 been stolen. If somebody
steal
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steals
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 some
staffs
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staff
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,
owner
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the owner
an owner
show examples
 will
able
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be able
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 to prove
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
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court
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the court
show examples
 by cell. In conclusion, in my point of view,
people
 should have
permission
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the permission
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of using
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to use
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technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
 for tracking
according to
 their place of work or living.
With
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In
show examples
this
 way,
people
 can protect their homes or products,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
people
 with bad intentions will not be allowed to
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 them.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task response
To improve your task response, ensure that you address the essay prompt fully. Discuss both the advantages and disadvantages more comprehensively and try to provide a more balanced view. Including more relevant examples would help to illustrate your points effectively.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your essay. Also, ensure each paragraph contains a clear main idea that is elaborated upon with supporting details.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your ideas are clearly stated and easy to follow. Avoid vague phrases and aim to provide detailed explanations. Proofreading can help catch grammar and structure errors that might confuse the reader.
introduction conclusion
The introduction clearly presents the topic and sets the context for the discussion.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion provides a clear point of view on the issue, summarizing the main idea effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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