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The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

#rise #world #population #humanity #time
In
this
 essay, I want to determine the causes of the rise in the world’s
population
 and I will give my personal ideas.
To begin
 with, the rise in the world’s
population
 is a threat to humanity.
However
, in my opinion, it is not the greatest
problem
 that humanity faces. The
problem
 has a few causes that are generally accepted.
However
, in fact solution seems unfindable,
people
 can decrease the
population
 growth rate but the problems that come with overpopulation will never be fully solved.
Firstly
, after the Industrial Revolution,
people
 gained wealth and well-being.
In addition
,
people
 started to work fewer physical jobs, and living in new modern and relaxed circumstances
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 caused increasing in the number of babies. Because of that, the
population
 has been raised.
Secondly
, after the Second World War, the
population
 of the world had fallen to a low point.
Therefore
, after the war, more babies were born. In these years, the
population
 suddenly and extraordinarily increased.
Lastly
, humans at present have no
problem
 with illness as long as living in normal conditions. In old times, more children died from illnesses than now. In the 21st century, living healthy is affordable, normal and basic
therefore
people
 can take precautions easily for illnesses. In conclusion, the present time has a
problem
 that must be solved. Governments should embark on new regulations on it. Whether it is not the biggest
problem
 that humanity has,
nevertheless
, precautions should be taken especially by some of the big countries
such
 as China, the USA, India et cetera.
Submitted by ilyascanaltan on

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task achievement
Your essay starts with a clear statement of intent, which is good. However, the causes of population rise discussed could have been more comprehensive. You mentioned post-Industrial Revolution wealth and the post-WWII baby boom, but did not elaborate on current factors such as advances in medical science or lack of family planning in developing countries.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your paragraphs more logically. Each paragraph should ideally start with a clear topic sentence and be followed by supporting details. Transition words can help improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas. For instance, words such as 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', or 'In addition' could help in the transition.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains a clear introduction and a conclusion which offers a solution. This indicates a good grasp of essay structure.
task achievement
You have provided historical context to the rise in population, which helps the reader understand the scope of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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