IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, government spent a large amount of money on improving internet access. Why is it happening and do you think it is the most appropriate use of government money?

#countries #government #amount #money #internet #access
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Although
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 Medicine is a field which has a myriad of branches with a lot of fascinating and impressive ways of studying it, one of the most awe-inspiring characteristics is, without a doubt, its well-balanced relationship among natural, formal and social sciences.
This
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 mixture leads to a wide spectrum of complex stumbling blocks which requires an appropriate combination of curiosity and multidisciplinarity to solve them. From a very early
age
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age,
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this
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 aroused my interest and prompted me to study not only the structure of the human body and physiology but
also
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 the mechanisms of pathogenesis with the
respectives
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respective
 treatments. My Bachelor’s Degree in Medical Science (Medical Doctor, MD), which was studied at Universidad Militar Nueva Granada in Bogotá, Colombia, was a complete training in both clinical and
research
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 fields using analytical methods
as well as
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based-evidence
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evidence-based
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 medicine techniques. The integration of these aspects
along with
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 acquiring the basic knowledge about natural sciences,
such
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 as cellular biology, biophysics, biochemistry, anatomy, histology, etc, showed me how perfect the functionality and homeostasis of human beings is. Over time, my career interests in the
research
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 field constantly increased.
At
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In
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 the beginning, they were focused on Stem Cells and Bioethics, taking an elective course for three years related to these branches in which there were theoretical and practical immersive sessions.
Hence
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, exploring deeper into the most specific literacy and
research
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 done from ancient times to the present day
as well as
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 learning
the
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apply
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cutting-edge techniques about cultures, analysis, and methodology,
finally
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 being part of the ‘BioGenEtica
Research
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 Group’ at the afore-mentioned University. After that, my experience broadened to other topics linked to microbiology and parasitology, researching mainly
about
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apply
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diseases caused by helminths and protozoa that affect children in Colombia. These projects have been presented
in
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at
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 several
not only
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apply
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national and international symposiums and conferences
as well as
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 have been published in indexed journals.
Submitted by luciaagudelomotta on

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task achievement
The essay provides a thorough response to the task by detailing a personal journey and academic achievements in the field of medicine. To elevate your response, consider linking your experiences more directly to the main idea of why improving internet access is important or relevant.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that transitional phrases or sentences are used consistently throughout the essay to connect ideas smoothly. This will help the reader follow the progression of your thoughts more easily.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing the main points discussed in the essay and relating them back to the central theme. This will help to provide a more rounded and impactful ending.
task achievement
The essay is rich in specific details and examples, which significantly strengthen the arguments presented and demonstrate a high level of understanding and engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is clear and the flow of ideas is well-organized, making the essay easy to read and comprehend. Each paragraph builds on the previous one, maintaining a cohesive narrative.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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