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Band 6.5

While some people believe in allowing wealthy people use the space facilities to make a space journey, others firmly argue that this is not an entertaining matter. Discuss both these views and state your own opinion.

#people #space #facilities #journey #matter
Space
 tourism is a complex and multifaceted issue. Some argue that affluent people should be permitted to use
space
 infrastructure for their
space
travel
,
while
 others firmly contend that
this
 is not an appropriate use of
space
 resources. I agree with the former mindset. Allowing wealthy individuals to participate in
space
 tourism can help increase
research
 and development efforts in the
space
 industry. The
space
travel
 experiences of the wealthy can attract more investment and resources towards advancing
research
 across various fields related to
space
 exploration and technology.
Moreover
, additional funding and investment can enhance our
research
 capabilities and create greater potential for collaboration between the
space
 business and the private sector, driving innovation and technological breakthroughs. I firmly believe that engaging wealthy individuals in
space
 activities can
also
 serve a vital purpose by broadening public exposure and heightening
overall
 awareness. When high-profile figures take part in
space
-related endeavours, they garner significant media attention and public fascination, fostering greater support and enthusiasm for
space
 programs.
Furthermore
, witnessing affluent people participate in
space
travel
 can motivate and inspire younger generations to consider careers within the
space
 industry, helping to cultivate future talent. Some argue that allowing only the wealthy to access
space
travel
 could perpetuate social and economic inequalities. I completely reject
this
 view
due to
 the fact that
space
travel
 is an incredibly complex and expensive endeavour. The costs associated with fuel, testing, and training make it impractical to make
space
travel
 accessible to the general population in the near future.
However
, the development of the
space
 industry can have broader economic benefits, as the
research
, technology, and innovations that come out of
space
 programs have the potential to drive economic growth and provide indirect benefits to society. In conclusion, the active participation and support of the wealthy in
space
 exploration can be a valuable asset in advancing humanity's understanding and empowering researchers to push the boundaries of what is possible.
Submitted by homa.nazrmian56 on

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task achievement
While the essay is well-structured and addresses both sides of the argument, it would benefit from the incorporation of specific and relevant examples to support claims. For instance, reference to actual wealthy individuals who have already traveled to space, or specific space tourism initiatives, could strengthen the argument.
task achievement
The essay's main points are clear and generally well-developed, but the argument could be made stronger with more detailed explanations and elaboration on key points. You might want to delve deeper into how space tourism could drive innovation or how it benefits the broader economy.
coherence cohesion
Ensuring all paragraphs are equally cohesive will help the overall flow of the essay. Some transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to maintain a more seamless progression of ideas.
content
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both sides of the debate, making it clear that the author has considered multiple viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both strong, effectively framing the argument and wrapping up the discussion.
language
The essay uses sophisticated vocabulary and complex sentence structures, which demonstrate a good command of the English language.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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