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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries the government promotes public transport as the primary means of transportation, and discourages private vehicle ownership. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #government #transport #transportation #vehicle #ownership #policy
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Around the globe, authorities prefer public transportation to private ones. The writer,
however
, advocates that the benefits of being cost-efficient
as well as
 environmentally friendly totally outweigh the drawbacks of lacking personal space. It must be acknowledged that public transport is cost-saving.
That is
 to say, when people travel long distances, with their car, they have to consider petrol cost since the fuel market now is exorbitant,
therefore
, it will cost individuals a significant amount of money to travel.
Instead
, citizens can use public transport
such
 as buses because they have to pay a small budget to catch those vehicles and comfortably sit until they reach their destination.
Thus
, people can save money for other purposes
such
 as shopping or entertainment. Public vehicles,
moreover
, are friendly to the surrounding environments. To be more specific, modern buses use green fuel, which does not contain any toxic components like CO2 that are harmful to the air.
As a consequence
, the more people use those vehicles, the less harmful gasses are emitted into the atmosphere,
thus
 reducing the tendency of forming air pollution. Take Singapore as a prime example where most of the public automobiles here
ulitize
Correct your spelling
utilise
 non-lead petrol, leading to the low rate of hazardous emissions. Some sceptics,
however
, justify that using public shipment is not comfortable.
This
 belief is based on the fact that numerous individuals can take a bus, leading to the lack of space for passengers.
This
 may be credible, but authorities are now subsidizing and purchasing additional buses so that the overcrowding
on
Change preposition
of
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these service
Change the determiner
this service
these services
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 can be reduced.
As a consequence
,
this
 will act as an incentive for society to take public transportation more.
To conclude
, the disadvantage of discomfort is outweighed by the advantages of saving money and being friendly to the atmosphere.
Hence
, it is more beneficial for governments to encourage citizens to adopt public transport.
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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt. However, while your arguments are well-structured, consider using a wider variety of transitional phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This would help improve overall readability.
task achievement
While your essay includes relevant specific examples, adding more data or specific studies could further support your points and make your argument more compelling. Additionally, varied sentence structures would elevate the complexity of your writing, making it more engaging.
coherence cohesion
You provide a clear introduction and conclusion, framing your argument well and making your stance on the topic apparent.
task achievement
Your essay is coherent with logical progression of ideas. The use of examples, such as the one about Singapore, effectively supports your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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