IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Despite a varity of sports facilities and gyms, people are less fit nowadays than ever before what do you think are the main causes of this problem? what solutions can you suggest?

#varity #sports #facilities #gyms #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Regarding my work experience, during the
last
 academic year in my BS, which is known as ‘The Internship’, the general clinical rotations were deeper in knowledge about Pediatrics, Surgery, and Gynecology and Obstetrics, and my elective
program
 consisted of seven months related to Internal
Medicine
.
Subsequently
, after my graduation, my clinical performance was focused on the Internal
Medicine
 field mainly related to critical
care
, emergency room, and inpatient
health
care
.
Additionally
, taking specific continuing education courses to learn the most innovative strategies about COVID-19 management and The Fundamental Critical
Care
 Support certified by The Society of Critical
Care
Medicine
. After my backgrounds and experiences in all scenarios, namely academic, work, and
research
, not only my critical thinking and problem-solving skills have developed faster but
also
 the relationship between the technological field and
medicine
 has awakened my interest.
This
 is mostly because there are endless techniques that have rocketed the bioinformatics and
health
 informatics
research
,
health
care
 database analysis,
health
 administration, and public
health
.
Therefore
, I am undertaking a virtual Postgraduate
Program
 in Artificial Intelligence at The University of Texas at Austin, which has given me tools aimed at Python Programming Code, Machine Learning, and Neural Networks
in addition
 to continuing education courses about Linear Algebra and Statistics. Nowadays, I am interested in following a
research
 pathway related to Bioinformatics &
Health
 Informatics with a medium-term goal of applying for a PhD
Program
 in highly competitive universities
such
 as Harvard, Yale, New York University, or Columbia.
As a consequence
 of
this
, my short-term purpose is to build a stronger and more precise profile by acquiring and emphasizing all knowledge which is required.
Therefore
, I am applying for
this
 Certificate Diploma of
Research
 Studies at Torrens University
due to
 its high-quality content with a structured
program
 that will strongly support my curriculum to expand and apply my knowledge in
research
 in a holistic way by giving me tools about Critical Literature, Preliminary
Research
 Thesis, and Qualitative
Research
 Methods for Public
Health
,
thus
 providing me
an
Add the preposition
with an
show examples
 excellent environment, in terms of facilities and courses, to obtain outstanding scientific training and face professional and academic challenges. The vision of
this
 Certificate Diploma of
Research
 Studies is very ambitious and complete, which fits perfectly with my expectations and goals for my professional and personal growth. For all these reasons, I consider myself a very competent, capable and enthusiastic candidate and it would be an
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
 if my application for
this
program
 is accepted.
Submitted by luciaagudelomotta on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that the essay follows a structured approach, beginning with your core idea, arguments, and then examples related to the topic of fitness in contemporary society.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a compelling conclusion that directly addresses the causes of decreasing fitness levels in spite of the availability of sports facilities and gyms, and clearly underscore your proposed solutions.
task achievement
The essay provides a very clear and comprehensive response to the task, with all the main points adequately covered.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure and flow of ideas are excellent, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the topic, and the conclusion satisfactorily wraps up the points discussed.
task achievement
The points are well-supported by relevant and specific examples, illustrating a thorough understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: