IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that watching TV is bad for children while others claim it has positive effect for children as they grow up. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #tv #children #effect
Television
 impacts
children
due to
channels
such
 as history
channels
 or movie
channels
,
However
, it depends on whether parent permits kids to watch TV
also
 it is effective for
children
 or not
Moreover
 Proponents of
television
 viewing argue that it can have several positive effects,
while
 critics believe it can be detrimental to
children
's health and
development
. Supporters of
television
 viewing for
children
 often highlight it is an education programme able to interest awareness of
children
Additionally
 it supports knowledge to kids
such
 as history shows, economic systems or life shows all of the shows it is has valued by
children
,
in addition
, Educational shows and
channels
 can enhance cognitive
development
, introduce
children
 to new concepts, and stimulate curiosity.
Additionally
, excessive TV watching can interfere with essential activities like physical exercise, homework, and social interactions, potentially impeding
overall
development
.
Moreover
, the
content
 of
television
 programs can
also
 be problematic. Exposure to violent or inappropriate
content
 can negatively influence behavior and attitudes conclusion In my view,
television
 can be a double-edged sword.
While
 it holds the potential for educational enrichment and broader cultural exposure, its benefits are contingent on the
content
 and the amount of time spent viewing To maximize the positive effects
while
 mitigating the negatives, parents and guardians must curate
content
 thoughtfully and set reasonable limits on screen time. Encouraging a balanced approach that includes active play, social interaction, and educational programming can help ensure that
television
 serves as a constructive tool in
children
's
development
 rather than a detrimental one.
Submitted by chalermchartbsc on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on organizing the ideas more logically. The transitions between points can be smoother to ensure the reader follows the argument easily.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph sticks to a single main idea. This will help improve the clarity of your essay.
task achievement
Try to incorporate more specific examples to support your points. Stating general ideas is good, but adding concrete examples will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas more comprehensively. Some points are briefly mentioned but not explored in depth.
introduction conclusion present
The essay introduces the topic and provides a conclusion, maintaining a clear structure throughout.
complete response
You’ve addressed both the positive and negative aspects of watching TV for children, showing a fair discussion of both views.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • exposure
  • inappropriate content
  • moral and ethical development
  • sedentary behavior
  • obesity
  • academic performance
  • intellectual growth
  • educational TV programs
  • cognitive skills
  • problem-solving
  • critical thinking
  • language acquisition
  • listening skills
  • entertainment and relaxation
  • family bonding
  • parental guidance
  • age-appropriate
  • viewing time
What to do next:
Look at other essays: