Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Health has always been a crucial part
in
every of Change preposition
apply
each
life on earth, and needless to say, it is Correct determiner usage
apply
also
a controversial topic at some points. For some, they reckon that it’s best to build up more sports
facilities like gyms, tennis courts,… While
other individuals believe this
method doesn’t make a significant contribution and should involve more approaches. I am, personally, between these two sides and following that, the upcoming paragraphs will clarify my viewpoint.
On the one hand, we all know the positive impact that sports
as well as
other forms of exercising bring about. In clarification, doing exercises actually helps deteriorate the likelihood of experiencing varied types of diseases like obesity, for instance
, which could cause even more dramatically extreme issues like heart attacks, strokes, inability to move easily,… and so on. Additionally
, studies have shown that sports
manage to support us, human beings, by creating satisfying feelings. Yes, you are not reading it wrong, training and exercising can help you release negative emotions. In fact, it frees your mind away from the daily stress. Lastly
, one benefit that ought to be mentioned is that it could serve as a healthy way to amuse yourself and tighten the bonds between you and other peers, or family members. In short, uplifting the volume of exercise-related facilities is a great measure since this
makes it more accessible for the citizens and could lead to fewer hidden illnesses.
On the other hand
, sports
are not completely the only choice in terms of a better lifestyle for the residents. One reason for this
is that if this
method is really put into practice, yet some aren’t aware of the advantages and still choose not to participate in
, Change preposition
apply
then
it is fairly pointless. Therefore
, it is up to the individuals’ perception. A few elements that contribute to a healthier soul, for illustration, are reasonably suitable diets, kicking out all the bad habits like maybe using high-tech devices over a long period of time, or even reading books, listening to relaxing music, trying your best not to overthink something are also
some approaches regarding mental health. Briefly to say, sports
indeed play a small role in the overall
picture and there are a variety of things that we can try out besides
those energetic activities.
In conclusion, there are both pros and cons on each side, and undoubtedly, it is all about our decision and how we consider those given measures. The first opinion showcased the bonds, the entertainment, cutting down on likely health-related matters,… and the list continues, whereas
the second viewpoint depicted the awareness, examples of alternatives and finally
made us realize that every method is vital and all contribute to health as different components/ parts of the generalized picture.Submitted by jakelong16091994 on
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task achievement
Your essay displays a well-covered response to the task with clear and comprehensive ideas. However, to improve further, try to include more specific examples and real-life situations that support your points. This not only illustrates your arguments better but also makes them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The coherence and cohesion of your essay are good, with a logical structure and clear progression of ideas. You have also included an introduction and conclusion effectively. One area to refine could be the use of transition words and phrases, to ensure smoother flow and connection between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Your essay covers both viewpoints thoroughly and provides a balanced opinion. This completeness demonstrates a strong grasp of the task and a clear response.
task achievement
Clear and comprehensive ideas are presented throughout the essay, showcasing a good understanding of the topic and the ability to discuss it effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This organization helps in understanding and following your arguments well.
coherence cohesion
You have done well in presenting both sides of the argument and concluding with a balanced viewpoint, maintaining the essay's overall coherence.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.