Some people claim that too much focus and resources have been spent to protect wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Protecting wild animals and birds is one of the many responsibilities that the government prioritizes.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it might face difficult challenges from public opinion
due to
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

too much attention and funds put into a non-profitable policy. In my perspective,
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

has more advantages than drawbacks.
White
Correct your spelling
While

The word White doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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it is true that giving money for preserving wild species may not create profit for the economy but the long-term stability to maintain some rare species which have a risk of close to extinction. Preventing deforestation
also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

saves green space and increases diversity in the biosphere. Humans will be adversely impacted if certain animal species are to become extinct.
For instance
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, bees are one of the main sources of creating a variety of foods without them humanity cannot survive within two weeks.
Moreover
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the significant increase in population around the world
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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makes the tourism industry
become
Verb problem
apply

There may be a verb use issue here.

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more viable
consequently
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

animals and birds are kept in zoos and sanctuaries to provide for tourists.
As a result
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

creates numerous jobs and sources of earning income for local people.
Furthermore
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, it can
also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

significantly contribute to economic growth in that nation.
For example
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Thailand's main source of economy is the tourism industry and has
considerable
Change the article
a considerable
the considerable

It appears that the phrase considerable number does not contain the correct article usage. Consider making a change.

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number of forests for wildlife and uses that to encourage many tourists to visit and have the best experience there. In conclusion,
although
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

there are still arguments about what should be done for persevering wild animals and birds. I think the government should care about them to put some investment in but not too far to make the
overall
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

country's financial situation even worse.

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task response
Make sure to address all parts of the task more comprehensively. You mentioned both sides of the argument but could elaborate more on why you believe the advantages outweigh the drawbacks.
coherence cohesion
Improve the structure of your essay by linking your ideas more clearly. You have a good introduction and conclusion, but the body paragraphs could benefit from more logical connectors and clearer topic sentences.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your essay well.
task response
Your essay covers several relevant points and examples, which strengthens your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • wildlife conservation
  • ecosystem preservation
  • sustainable development
  • biodiversity
  • habitat destruction
  • ecological balance
  • ethical responsibility
  • economic benefits
  • endangered species
  • poaching
  • education and awareness
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