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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passenger. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

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Dozens of years later, vehicles (cars, buses and trucks) will be driverless and only passengers will sit in these transports. I still believe that the advantages overcome the disadvantages of
this
 ongoing trend. There are numerous drawbacks to
this
. One of the disadvantages of
this
 scarcity is that it will lead to job loss. Millions of people nowadays provide their families with food and most of them are taxi drivers.
As a result
, many of them lose their occupation
due to
 modern technology.
In addition
, as driverless vehicles become the norm, individuals will naturally become less reliant on their driving abilities.
This
 dependence on technology can lead to a significant decline in driving skills, as people no longer practice or refine their ability to operate a vehicle manually.
However
,
this
 shift is not devoid of advantages. One of the significant benefits is that modern vehicles may reduce traffic jams and accidents with automatic drivers
such
 as artificial intelligence systems, these difficulties can be addressed radically because Al systems do not deal with these challenges.
Moreover
, cutting-edge technology will help to protect of environment and make for planting several trees on street roads.
However
, in the past, we used to utilize gas for mobility and electric cars are more comfortable. In conclusion,
although
 the cons of
this
 ongoing trend are tremendous, but pros of it outweigh the cons in terms of safety and convenience aspects.
Submitted by ieltswritingband99 on

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task achievement
The essay could benefit from more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific statistics or case studies related to traffic accidents reduction due to driverless vehicles.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support this idea. Some sentences seem to veer off-topic slightly.
task achievement
Consider providing counterarguments to show a balanced view before asserting your stance. This would make your argument more comprehensive and convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have identified various advantages and disadvantages, showing an understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Good use of transitional phrases such as 'In addition', 'However', and 'Moreover' enhances the flow of your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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