Nowadays a lot of people enjoy watching TV. Do you think the advantage of watching sports on TV outweigh the disadvantage?

At present, a great number of individuals prefer to watch
sports
events or matches on television. In my opinion, I consider that watching
sports
on
TV
can bring about more advantages for watchers compared to any problems it might cause. Admittedly, there are significant benefits to people watching
sports
on
TV
.
Firstly
, watching
sports
on television is much cheaper than going to the
stadium
and buying a ticket.
In other words
, the viewer can save money by observing
sports
events at home.
Consequently
, saving money might occur by watching
sports
on
TV
instead
of going to the
stadium
.
Secondly
, watching matches or
sports
at home may be more accurate and comfortable.
This
is because they are sitting in their own home, which means they can sit as they wish.
Furthermore
, they can invite whomever they want freely so as to have fun.
Nevertheless
, despite the advantages above, I think people could face slight drawbacks from watching
sports
on
TV
. One problem is that it might be a lack of enjoyment.
Additionally
, people who watch the matches on
TV
do not get enough excitement because they do not have the cheer and hustle
that is
in the
stadium
.
For instance
, watching the matches in the
stadium
makes the match even more exciting as you cheer, sing, and do activities with other spectators. Another negative aspect that can be caused by watching
sports
on
TV
is health issues. Spending long hours watching
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
TV
can have a negative effect on physical health,
such
as an inactive lifestyle and the possibility of obesity and sight issues.
Subsequently
, observing many matches on
TV
can cause health issues. In conclusion, viewers can get more comfort and relaxation when watching
sports
on
TV
instead
of going to the
stadium
.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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task response
To improve task response, you could enhance the depth of your analysis by including more specific examples or data. For example, you might cite statistics about viewership or the average costs of attending live sports events.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider using a greater variety of linking phrases and words to ensure smoother transitions between points. This can make your argument flow more naturally.
coherence and cohesion
Work on refining your conclusion to make it more robust, perhaps summarizing key points from the essay more effectively to reinforce your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs and a logical structure, making it easy to follow your argument.
task response
You effectively outlined both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
task response
Your sentences are clear and understandable, demonstrating a good command of English.

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