IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food.it is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
illnesses and diseases have become a huge hamper worldwide.
However
Linking Words
, the cities have faced a lot of cases of health problems
due to
Linking Words
 allowing fast
food
Use synonyms
restaurants
Use synonyms
 to spread in all countries without knowing the consequences. I lean towards eating at home for many reasons the major one is to be more healthy. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain my point. On the one hand, in the
last
Linking Words
 era, the variety of cuisines and the vast spread led
people
Use synonyms
 to rely on fast
food
Use synonyms
, and eating outside has become the most common event nowadays.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the role that media and the internet have taken in advertising it on social media causes a lot of demand from
people
Use synonyms
 to purchase it. Despite the diseases and high cost of money.
For example
Linking Words
, The oils that have been used in
restaurants
Use synonyms
 have led to a lot of young and elderly
people
Use synonyms
 suffering from stomach diseases, obesity, and depressed longevity.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the governments have been putting restrictions on
restaurants
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as increasing taxes and customizing control teams to do daily evaluations on
restaurants
Use synonyms
 to emphasize if they commit to a high level of cleaning standards.
In addition
Linking Words
 to being aware
people
Use synonyms
 to focus on organic
food
Use synonyms
 and do exercises to keep fit and imitate the health problems.
For instance
Linking Words
, posting successful stories of cases and how it helped them to be positive and healthy.
To sum up
Linking Words
, Everyone should know the problems with fast
food
Use synonyms
 and keep themselves away from hospitals and illnesses.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and presents a clear opinion, but there are some areas where clarity and depth could be enhanced. Make sure to elaborate on your points and provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
To achieve better coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use clear topic sentences and linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states your opinion and sets up the essay well.
logical structure
You have a clear structure in your essay with distinct paragraphs for different points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: