IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Public libraries should provide books and not waste their limited resources on expensive high-tech media such as software, videos or DVDs. Do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays a lot of public
libraries
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 should supply book and not waste their limited
resources
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 on expensive hight-tech
media
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such
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 as software, videos and DVDs. I totally agree that, public
libraries
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 must provide with book their empty place and not waste their limited things on costly hight-tech
media
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. On the one hand, nowadays an
internet
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 connection is most pupular and extremely developing day by day.
Moreover
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 most youngsters believe that, social network plays an important role our social life. But if public
libraries
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 do not limited
resources
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 on costly hight-tech
media
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such
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 as: videos or computers,
people
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 did not want to read books and they will be lazy in the future.
For example
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 if most youngsters go to the library for reading books, they might see a lot of computers and they going to play or see these
resources
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,
then
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 they exact to lose their mind.
On the other hand
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, most
people
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 totally believe that, public
libraries
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 must apply expensive
internet
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resources
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such
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 as: videos, computer and DVDs. Because
according to
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 their thinking, high-tech
media
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 help to readers and make easier their reading skills.
Moreover
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, it helps to find any information or
resources
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 from
internet
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. It is extremely convenient and useful for modern youngsters.
For instance
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, most
people
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 want to use high-tech
media
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 from public
libraries
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.
To sum up
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, nowadays high-tech
media
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 and
internet
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 are incerasingly year by year.
For instance
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 most
people
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 want to use these thing. But it is very fruitless for readers. Becasue they might be lazy in the future. Reading books is more important thing rather than use any high-tech
resources
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main point and supports it with relevant examples and details. Your main argument is sometimes unclear due to lack of specific examples and explanation of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your essay. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Work on expanding your vocabulary and use more varied sentence structures to express your ideas clearly and comprehensively.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and help frame your essay. Good job!
complete response
The topic is addressed from multiple perspectives, which shows your ability to consider different viewpoints.
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