IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The shortage of housing in big cities can cause severe consequences and only governmental actions can solve the problem. Do you agree views and express your own opinion

#shortage #cities #consequences #actions
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Today, many major cities don’t offer sufficient accommodations for citizens to live in, for
this
 issue only
government
 can fix. In my opinion, I agree with
this
 view, but I
also
 believe that addressing the housing issue requires joint efforts from multiple parties.
Firstly
, the housing shortage in urban areas can cause a series of serious problems. Lack of housing will increase the costs and renting, it will lead the medium income families to afford to buy a house,
then
 will have more homelessness, an inequality of social and more stressful of economic of the public.
Besides
, an insufficient of people may affect the development of
central
Add an article
the central
show examples
 city, because the high costs of housing might cause skilled people to go to other cities and companies hard to
attracting
Change the form of the verb
attract
show examples
 new employees. The
government
 plays a crucial role in
this
 trouble of residences. The
government
 could establish and apply policies to control the housing market,
provide
Correct word choice
and provide
show examples
 more economic housing and low-price housing, to ensure that the low-salary crew can buy a house and satisfy their needs. Simultaneously, the state can plan and build new accommodation areas and increase the housing provided.
However
, only the action of the
government
 might be insufficient to solve
this
 complex trouble. The participation of private businesses is
also
 essential. Developers could provide better qualities and supply
use
Verb problem
apply
show examples
new designs that for user-friendly and new architectural technology. In conclusion,
while
 the intervention of the
government
 is the key point to address the issues of accommodation, the joining of multiple parties and comprehensive measures is the better way.
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task response
Try to refine your introduction to make it clearer and more direct. For example, rephrase 'for this issue only government can fix' to 'this issue can only be fixed by government intervention.'
task response
Provide more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your points. For instance, reference specific policies or real-world examples of government intervention in housing markets.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly focuses on one main idea. The third paragraph jumps between several points, making it less cohesive. Try to split such paragraphs for better clarity.
task response
The essay effectively presents the double-sided argument, acknowledging both the role of government and the importance of private sector involvement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion neatly frame the essay, providing a clear start and finish.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • affordable housing
  • urban sprawl
  • sustainable development
  • public health
  • community well-being
  • housing policies
  • overcrowding
  • homelessness
  • economic impact
  • cost of living
  • government intervention
  • private sector
  • profit motives
  • housing shortage
  • urban planning
  • incentives
  • low-income families
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