IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people around the world use social media to keep in touch with other people and get the news. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The vast majority of
people
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 around the
world
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 use social
media
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such
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 as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter to stay in contact with their distant friends and family,
while
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 others use
this
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 technology medium to stay updated on the latest feeds of news going on around the globe. I believe there are significant benefits to using social
media
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 in
this
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 modern day, with few minor drawbacks. On the one hand, the discovery of social
media
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 technology is an important innovation in our modern-day
world
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.
As a result
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, a lot of
people
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 around the
world
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 have been able to connect with their loved ones, whom they have not seen in a long time.
For example
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, research conducted by the University of Technology revealed that 90 per cent of international students used Facebook to connect with other students from other universities to carry out educational surveys.
Furthermore
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, social
media
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 can
also
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 be used to do online business and purchase items faster than going to the shopping centre.
On the other hand
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, there is
also
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 a downside to using social
media
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 in today's
world
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. The main issue is that a lot of
people
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 stay too glued to their screens, which has resulted in their mental instability.
For instance
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, the transport of main roads data revealed that 40 per cent of the pedestrian accidents reported
last
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 month were
due to
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people
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 not concentrating on the road
while
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 crossing, they were too focused on their mobile phones.
Moreover
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, social
media
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 have
also
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 isolated a lot of
people
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 from the real
world
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. In conclusion, I believe social
media
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 has contributed positively to
people
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's lives than the negatives.
In addition
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,
people
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 are encouraged to follow the applicable laws of social
media
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 usage to promote a positive environment in the
world
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.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task, addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of social media use. Ensure that your examples are more varied and detailed to cover a wider range of points.
task achievement
While your main points are supported by examples, adding more specific and detailed examples can strengthen your argument further.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To enhance coherence, consider using more transitional phrases to link your ideas smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
You have provided a clear introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay.
logical structure
Your essay maintains a logical structure, making it easy to follow your argument.
supported main points
The points made in your essay are relevant and well-supported by examples.
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