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Writing Samples
Band 8

Nowadaysn teenagers are suffering from a lot of pressure.Write an esay of about 250 words to list the causes of teen pressure and give solutions to overcome?

#nowadaysn #teenagers #pressure #esay #list
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Teenagers are having a stressful lifestyle in modern society. I believe that the primary cause for
this
 is the digital progress, encouraging
people
 to respond to online messages immediately. Another problem comes from competitive employment, which makes it harder for them to find stable jobs than ever before. One of the stressful factors among young
people
 is the rapid advancement of technology, making them more concerned about their response time.
In other words
, they tend to feel more pressured to react to messages from others on SNS as
people
 are more reliant on their smartphones for communication.
Furthermore
, the delay in their response can harm the relationship as they are often no longer able to catch up with the instant conversation.
Thus
, they should enjoy more face-to-face communication
instead
 of digital one, which allows the youth to express their feelings so they can establish trust and love for a more successful engagement. Another problem to causes pressure is the rising competitiveness in current society where finding stable occupations is more difficult than ever before. Indeed, the unemployment rate in Japan is rising in a dramatic way as it has jumped by 2.5% since 2023.
Therefore
, searching for a way to live economically is demanded so they can save more money in
this
 downturn economy.
Moreover
, they are required to think creatively
such
 as by sharing an apartment with other friends and refraining from going out shopping and watching movies so they can reduce their financial concerns for the future. In conclusion, young
people
 today feel more tense
due to
 the development of technology, which makes them more worried about their relationships.
Instead
, they should put more importance on actual interaction to build an intimate relationship.
Also
, the rising unemployment rate has become a serious issue, for which they are more expected to save money by altering their lifestyles.
Submitted by mizuho on

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, consider including a third cause and solution to provide a more comprehensive response. This would also allow for further exploration of the topic.
task achievement
Work on varying sentence structure and using a wider range of vocabulary to improve the clarity and sophistication of your writing. This will help in conveying your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by refining your transitions between paragraphs and ensuring all ideas flow logically from one to another. This will make your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
You have effectively identified two major causes of stress for teenagers and provided solutions for each. This demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion, aptly framing the main content. This helps to provide a clear beginning and ending to your discussion.
coherence cohesion
The points you make are sufficiently supported with examples and elaboration, which adds depth to your argument and makes your discussion more convincing.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • **Academic Pressure**: competition, prestigious, workload, counseling services
  • **Social Media Influence**: digital literacy, anxiety, self-esteem, boundaries, offline activities
  • **Family Expectations**: unrealistic self-expectations, open communication, realistic goals, emotional support
  • **Peer Pressure**: fit in, accepted, risky behaviors, supportive environment, coping mechanisms, extracurricular
  • **Economic Pressures**: financial constraints, part-time jobs, financial aid programs, stress management workshops
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