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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many students find it difficult to focus or pay attention at schools nowadays. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

#students #focus #attention #schools
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In recent years, many
students
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 have struggled to maintain
focus
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 and attention in
schools
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.
This
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 essay will explore the reasons behind
this
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 issue and suggest possible solutions to address it. One major factor contributing to
students
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' difficulty in focusing is the widespread use of social
media
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 and
video
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games
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. Social
media
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 platforms,
such
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 as X and WhatsApp, offer endless entertainment and social interaction opportunities that can easily distract
students
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 from their studies.
For example
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, as a student, I often found myself spending excessive time on social
media
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, which negatively impacted my academic performance.
In addition
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,
video
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games
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 provide an escape from reality, allowing
students
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 to immerse themselves in a virtual world
that is
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 often more engaging than their schoolwork.
This
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 constant engagement with social
media
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 and
video
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games
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 diminishes
students
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' ability to concentrate on their studies. To combat
this
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 issue,
schools
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 should consider making their schedules more engaging and student-friendly. Many
students
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 feel overwhelmed and bored by the current curriculum, leading to a loss of interest in their studies. By incorporating interactive and dynamic teaching methods,
schools
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 can create a more stimulating learning environment that captures
students
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' attention.
Additionally
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, the education system needs to be restructured to better align with
students
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' needs and interests. Many
students
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 find the current curriculum outdated or irrelevant, making it difficult for them to fully grasp the subjects being taught. A more modern and adaptable education system would likely enhance
students
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' motivation and
focus
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. In conclusion, the rise of social
media
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 and
video
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games
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 has significantly contributed to
students
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' challenges in maintaining
focus
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 at school. To address
this
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 issue,
schools
Use synonyms
 should redesign their schedules to be more engaging and ensure that the education system is better tailored to meet the needs of
students
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. By implementing these changes, we can help
students
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 regain their
focus
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 and achieve greater academic success.
Submitted by Yasar Khan on

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task achievement
Consider adding more varied examples or real-life instances to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a distinct main point and flows seamlessly into the next.
task achievement
Clear and relevant examples, such as the reference to personal experience with social media, were effective.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Logical progression of ideas; each point is developed in a clear and understandable manner.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • proliferation
  • stimulating
  • interactive
  • engaging
  • pressures
  • stress management
  • nutritional factors
  • physical education
  • well-being
  • one-size-fits-all
  • diverse learning styles
  • disengagement
  • personalized learning experiences
  • project-based learning
  • overcrowded
  • infrastructures
  • minimizing distractions
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