IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People in major cities suffer from high levels of air pollution, causing health problems for many. What are the main reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

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In today’s society, environmental
issues
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 highly affect urban sides.
One
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such
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problem
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 is individuals in towns are affected by high levels of
air
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pollution
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, leading to health
issues
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 for many. In
this
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 essay, I will explore the causes of
this
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problem
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 and provide practical and effective solutions.
One
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 prominent
problem
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 for individuals in major towns who suffer from high levels of
air
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pollution
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 is because the number of
vehicles
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 increasing in
town
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. To illustrate
this
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, nowadays everyone has at least
one
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 vehicle in their home.
Therefore
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, traffic happens in urban areas, which is
one
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 of the major reasons for
air
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pollution
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.
For example
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,
according to
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 Time of India newspaper, Bangalore
air
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 is polluted 50% of
due to
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 the high usage of
vehicles
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.
Secondly
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,
garbage
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 wastage. In brief, wastages are fired by individuals without knowing the harmful of that.
Therefore
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, it will create
air
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pollution
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 and cause health problems
such
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 as asthma and wheezing
issues
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 for people. The solution to solve
this
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problem
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 is to introduce electric
vehicles
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 in
town
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. In brief, electrical
vehicles
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 reduce
air
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pollution
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 and it is eco-friendly. Recycling the
garbage
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.
Further
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, the government should propose new factories and machines to recycle the
garbage
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 without fire.
For instance
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, In Japan,
one
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 of the companies, called Jeak gives electric bikes to their employees to reduce
air
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pollution
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. It is
one
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 of the examples for other countries. In conclusion, the problems
such
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 as the
vehicles
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 increasing in
town
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 and
garbage
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 wastage require immediate action and attention. Adapting the proposed solutions like Introducing electric
vehicles
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 in
town
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 and recycling the
garbage
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 will resolve these
issues
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. And the amount of health problems
also
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 be reduced.

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coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are clear and suitable, providing a comprehensive overview, the body paragraphs need a bit more logical structure. Ensure that the ideas flow seamlessly from one to another.
task achievement
You have addressed the task well by identifying main reasons and proposing solutions. However, some of your points could be elaborated further to enhance comprehensiveness, such as the impact of solutions like electric vehicles and recycling.
coherence cohesion
Some points could use more cohesive devices to improve the flow. For example, instead of jumping from one idea to the next, use phrases like 'moreover,' 'in addition,' or 'consequently' to connect your points more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a clear structure, with a solid introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You have identified relevant main reasons for air pollution and provided practical solutions, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Using examples like the one from 'Time of India' and the Japanese company makes your arguments more convincing and grounded in reality.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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