IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In many countries, teenagers are encouraged to find part-time jobs. Some individuals this is a good development while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#countries #teenagers #jobs #individuals #development
Having a job can give people more money to spend, so many think
teenagers
 should have part-time
jobs
.
This
 idea has led to a debate about whether it is good or bad. In
this
 essay, I will look at both sides and share my opinion. On one side, people who think part-time
jobs
 are good for
teenagers
 argue that working helps them learn responsibility and gain experience. It can
also
 make them more independent and ready for college.
For example
, a survey in the UK found that 65% of
teenagers
 who worked part-time did better in college because of what they learned from their
jobs
. On the other side, some people believe part-time
jobs
 can be bad for
teenagers
. They worry that
jobs
 might distract students from their studies, making it hard for them to keep up with schoolwork. There is
also
 a risk that
teenagers
 might focus too much on money and pick up bad habits, like drug use, which can be harmful. In my opinion,
teenagers
 can benefit from part-time
jobs
 if they manage to balance work and school.
Jobs
 can help them learn new skills and become more responsible, but they need to make sure their job does not interfere with their education. In conclusion, after looking at both sides, I believe that part-time
jobs
 for
teenagers
 can be a good thing if they handle their time well.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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task achievement
To enhance the strength of your main points, consider providing more specific examples and evidence from sources beyond general surveys or studies. This can add more depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to maintain the logical flow of your essay. Using connecting phrases can help make the progression of ideas more seamless.
task achievement
Expand on the potential negative impacts of part-time jobs, providing more detailed analysis and real-life examples. This will show a deeper understanding and provide a balanced view.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
logical structure
The logical structure of the essay is clear, with distinct paragraphs for each side of the argument as well as the author's opinion.
complete response
The discussion is relevant and directly addresses the prompt, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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