IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays people moving to other countries for work. Some people say that it is difficult for children lives, others think that it is better for them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Today, many families move to other countries for work. Some people believe
this
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 is hard for
children
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,
while
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 others think it helps them. Both sides have strong arguments. Some people say that living in a new
country
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 can be a problem for
children
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. They have to leave their friends and start a new
life
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 in an unfamiliar place.
For example
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, a child who moves from India to Germany may find it hard to adjust to the new language and school system. They may feel lonely or shy because they do not understand others.
Also
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, the weather, food, and culture can be very different, which may cause stress.
On the other hand
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, some believe that moving abroad can improve
children
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’s lives. In a new
country
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, they can learn a second language and meet people from different backgrounds.
This
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 can help them become more confident and open-minded.
For instance
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,
children
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 who move to the UK often enjoy free education and access to good healthcare. They may
also
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 have more chances to succeed in the future. In my view, even though moving can be difficult at the beginning, it can bring many good things to a child’s
life
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. If parents help their
children
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 understand the change and support them, they will adjust and grow stronger. A new
country
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 can give them a better
life
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, new skills, and a wider view of the world. In conclusion, moving to another
country
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 for work can be both hard and helpful for
children
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. With the right support, it can give them better chances in
life
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.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating further on both sides of the argument, especially the points that support the idea of moving being hard for children. Providing more examples or details can strengthen your argument.
coherence
Ensure to maintain a logical flow in your paragraphs by using clear transition phrases that link your ideas effectively. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
coherence
To improve the essay's cohesion, use more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas. This can help the reader follow your thoughts more smoothly.
structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is essential for coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You present a balanced view of the topic, discussing both sides effectively before providing your own opinion, which is important for achieving the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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