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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, more and more parents have begun to teach their children at home rather than send them to school. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #parents #children #home #school #trend
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At the present time, many parents argue to teach their
children
 at home
instead
 of sending them to
school
.
While
 others say
school
 is important for them.
This
 situation has both benefits and drawbacks. In
this
 essay, I will explore some merits and demerits. On the one hand, most families believe that tutoring offspring in preschool at home is better than going out. The primary reason is moral skills.
Children
 who stay with their parents can be educated more values.
For example
, my friend teaches her daughter many values , to demonstrate more, she acquires how to respect individuals when they are visiting her and how to be a quiet lady in the same area.
In addition
, the community in my country bring the offspring enough education in the house,
hence
, organising them to
school
.
On the other hand
, the populations motivated to learn by the
school
 returned to several advantages. The foremost benefit is schools teach
children
 cooperative skills.
For instance
, students at
school
 can communicate with each other and provide the best assistance.
Moreover
, colleagues have trust and self-skills to face challenges in their lives. In conclusion, public people believe
children
 at home teach more behaviours rather than out. In my respective, I agree son and daughter should connect with other
children
 to learn and acquire a chance to accept a variety of friends of the same age.
Therefore
, I believe pros outnumber cos
Submitted by lailakhalil3 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from clearer structure and paragraphing. Ensure each idea is clearly separated into its own paragraph.
task achievement
Make sure to use specific examples to support your arguments more effectively. This would strengthen your task response.
task achievement
Watch out for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, which can obscure your meaning. Consider revising sentences for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion should directly restate your position and the key points from the essay to wrap things up neatly.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present, which is good. The conclusion effectively summarises your viewpoint.
task achievement
You've made an effort to cover both advantages and disadvantages, which is important for a balanced argument.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and addresses it well overall.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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