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Band 6

People can know about culture and life through internet. So there is no need to travel to other countries to know about cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #culture #life #internet #travel #countries #cultures
In
this
 essay, I would like to give an explanation about what culture is and how important is for people.
Moreover
, I argue the idea that people can know about culture and life through the Internet. So there is no need to travel to other countries to learn about cultures. In the beginning, I totally disagree with the idea. Absolutely we have to travel to other countries to learn about their traditions. There are a couple of important reasons. The Internet is one of the best ways to learn something that includes lifestyle.
However
, the information is not sufficient to increase our knowledge and unfortunately not a hundred percent reliable.
Firstly
, our knowledge can be increased
due to
 tradition. We would be able to recognize the society, we can track the facts behind the history or social events.
However
, even though cyberspace is the most common and popular tool to gather details about something, unfortunately, it
Add a missing verb
is
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generally insufficient information. If your purpose in learning the culture of somewhere is to travel, visit or something, you may find enough details on the internet.
However
, in case that you want to gather deep and specific details,
for example
 for your research,
then
 websites or videos will not be enough.
Secondly
, The cyberspace environment contains too much unreliable data. These data are not trackable unless data provide criminal or dangerous clues. Everyone can share clues anonymously. Naturally, some of the clues are true, safe and exact but, it is hard to determine. In conclusion, People can realize about lifestyle and life through the web. It is necessary that, travelling to other countries to realize
about
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apply
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their traditions. As I said, I totally disagree with the main idea.
Submitted by ilyascanaltan on

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task achievement
The essay would benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to better outline the main argument.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points. This will make your argument more persuasive and well-rounded.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of ideas and phrases; this can help in making your essay more concise and impactful.
task achievement
You have a clear stance on the topic and it is consistently maintained throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame your argument, providing a clear start and finish.
coherence cohesion
The use of transitional phrases helps in connecting ideas within paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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