Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. While other people think it is the fault of the parents. Discuss both side and give your opinion

In recent years, the debate over whether the
government
should take
responsibility
for addressing childhood obesity has intensified. Some advocate that the
government
must indubitably take
responsibility
,
while
others argue that
parents
themselves must supervise their
children
.
This
essay will discuss both perspectives and justify why I firmly believe that it is the
parents
' fault.
To begin
with, one of the most compelling arguments in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
of
children
being controlled by their close family members is that the
government
does not bear direct
responsibility
for individual households.
This
can be attributed to the fact that there are many overweight
children
in countries where
government
intervention would require significant effort from state officials.
For example
, in countries with high population density,
such
as Bangladesh, India, and Pakistan, there simply isn’t enough funding to address
this
issue even if the
government
decides to intervene.
As a result
, it would not be financially feasible for the
government
to assist with
such
a problem.
Therefore
,
it is clear that
issues related to excess weight should be solved within the family, with
parents
taking the primary role. From another perspective, despite arguments that
this
problem must be solved by
parents
, there is another group of people who persistently support the idea that the
government
must help address
this
issue. The argument they present to support their point of view is that in supermarkets or grocery stores, products with extra chemical substances or large portions of food may be observed, which contributes to obesity.
For instance
, in the USA, one can easily identify very large portions of products like soda, which is often sold in oversized packages.
Consequently
, we can detect
government
culpability in several countries,
further
reinforcing the argument that the
government
also
shares some
responsibility
. In conclusion,
while
there are valid concerns regarding the
government
's role in addressing childhood obesity, the benefits of solving
this
issue within the family, particularly in terms of parental
responsibility
and control, far outweigh the potential drawbacks of relying on
government
intervention. Ultimately, it is the
parents
who should take the lead in ensuring their
children
's health, as they are in the best position to influence their
children
's lifestyle choices and habits.
Submitted by shakhzod0905 on

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task achievement
While the essay provides a well-rounded discussion, consider including more varied examples to strengthen the argument. For instance, you could provide examples from different regions or sociocultural contexts.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas. Words such as 'Additionally' or 'Moreover' can be used to link points clearly.
task achievement
The essay offers a comprehensive response to the prompt, addressing both perspectives effectively.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported, making the argument compelling.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and the conclusion are well-formulated, providing a clear stance and summary of the discussion.

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