Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. While other people think it is the fault of the parents. Discuss both side and give your opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, the debate over whether the
government
Use synonyms
should take
responsibility
Use synonyms
for addressing childhood obesity has intensified. Some advocate that the
government
Use synonyms
must indubitably take
responsibility
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
others argue that
parents
Use synonyms
themselves must supervise their
children
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
essay will discuss both perspectives and justify why I firmly believe that it is the
parents
Use synonyms
' fault.
To begin
Linking Words
with, one of the most compelling arguments in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
of
children
Use synonyms
being controlled by their close family members is that the
government
Use synonyms
does not bear direct
responsibility
Use synonyms
for individual households.
This
Linking Words
can be attributed to the fact that there are many overweight
children
Use synonyms
in countries where
government
Use synonyms
intervention would require significant effort from state officials.
For example
Linking Words
, in countries with high population density,
such
Linking Words
as Bangladesh, India, and Pakistan, there simply isn’t enough funding to address
this
Linking Words
issue even if the
government
Use synonyms
decides to intervene.
As a result
Linking Words
, it would not be financially feasible for the
government
Use synonyms
to assist with
such
Linking Words
a problem.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
issues related to excess weight should be solved within the family, with
parents
Use synonyms
taking the primary role. From another perspective, despite arguments that
this
Linking Words
problem must be solved by
parents
Use synonyms
, there is another group of people who persistently support the idea that the
government
Use synonyms
must help address
this
Linking Words
issue. The argument they present to support their point of view is that in supermarkets or grocery stores, products with extra chemical substances or large portions of food may be observed, which contributes to obesity.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the USA, one can easily identify very large portions of products like soda, which is often sold in oversized packages.
Consequently
Linking Words
, we can detect
government
Use synonyms
culpability in several countries,
further
Linking Words
reinforcing the argument that the
government
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
shares some
responsibility
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
there are valid concerns regarding the
government
Use synonyms
's role in addressing childhood obesity, the benefits of solving
this
Linking Words
issue within the family, particularly in terms of parental
responsibility
Use synonyms
and control, far outweigh the potential drawbacks of relying on
government
Use synonyms
intervention. Ultimately, it is the
parents
Use synonyms
who should take the lead in ensuring their
children
Use synonyms
's health, as they are in the best position to influence their
children
Use synonyms
's lifestyle choices and habits.
Submitted by shakhzod0905 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay provides a well-rounded discussion, consider including more varied examples to strengthen the argument. For instance, you could provide examples from different regions or sociocultural contexts.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas. Words such as 'Additionally' or 'Moreover' can be used to link points clearly.
task achievement
The essay offers a comprehensive response to the prompt, addressing both perspectives effectively.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported, making the argument compelling.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and the conclusion are well-formulated, providing a clear stance and summary of the discussion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: