IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending time in communities in poorer countries doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses. Why is this? Who benefits more from this, the communities or these young people?

A number of young individuals from affluent
countries
Use synonyms
 spend their time assisting
people
Use synonyms
 from developing
countries
Use synonyms
 by mentoring and constructing residential areas. Apparently,
this
Linking Words
 is because youth are aware that powers cannot tackle these problems on their own and want to demonstrate their enthusiasm and friendship among nations, which contributes to strong bonds. I reckon
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the rich can get less advantages than the poor
due to
Linking Words
 their spent materials and
money
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, one of the primary reasons why youngsters help the poor may be
due to
Linking Words
 their enthusiasm.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, supporters might get more energy from the gratitude of
people
Use synonyms
, especially children. By being a qualified teacher, pupils might absorb topics better and keep them in mind for their whole life.
This
Linking Words
 contributes to the betterment of performance given by non-local teachers and is respectful of these representatives of certain nations.
For instance
Linking Words
, more and more young
people
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 from Kazakhstan assist less-developed foreign
countries
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 by providing canals and constructing new residential areas. By showing off the assistance, definitely, the poor may get more benefits rather than supporters. It is
due to
Linking Words
 spend a huge amount of supporters’
money
Use synonyms
 and energy.
In other words
Linking Words
, the poor may get houses or other valuable items for free. To illustrate, it is estimated that more than 1 million dollars was spent on the construction of schools in African
countries
Use synonyms
 by private individuals. More
money
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 could be spent if the level of wealth of the poor is extremely low. In conclusion, despite the fact, that young
people
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 spend a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 on charity work, they can get more energy and influence for the betterment of society.

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task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to strengthen your arguments, ensuring they are relevant and well-integrated into the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that every idea presented is clear and fully developed to enhance comprehensibility and depth.
coherence cohesion
Organize thoughts with clearer transitions and ensure each paragraph maintains unity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Create a stronger link between your points and the overarching argument to enhance the essay's logical structure.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the main ideas that will be discussed in the essay, providing a good preview.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points and provides closure on the discussion.
task achievement
Your essay shows a strong sense of purpose and enthusiasm for the topic, which makes it engaging.
supported main points
Main points are introduced and supported by relevant information, which helps in maintaining the reader's interest.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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