IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that too much money and time have been allocated to scientific research. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #money #time #research
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, technology and
science
 have gained momentum all over the globe.
Although
 some claim that too much budget has been dedicated to these fields, I tend to have a robust stance in favour of these areas of study as they are crucial for human beings. One rationale for disapproving of the mentioned mindset is the tremendous impact that
science
 has in tackling global challenges.
For instance
; climate change and global warming which are associated with natural disasters
such
 as flooding and melting glaciers will not be tackled unless paving the way for research.
Thus
, not only is knowledge capable of preventing
such
 issues but
also
 it can save the earth for the future. Another reason is that
science
 and technology can provide the territories with sufficient facilities in diverse aspects
such
 as medicine and engineering. To illustrate, I, as a surgeon assistant, have experienced the pros of AI software tools in the healthcare system. It can,
for example
, assess the MRI, CT SCAN, and blood test of the patients faster with more precision.
Therefore
, allocating resources to scientific processes will enhance productivity and
accordingly
 welfare in communities.
On the other hand
, some opine that the over-reliance on
science
 lies at the root of some vexations. Job redundancy can be taken as an example. It is contended that by improving technology many labour-based careers might vanish leading to a higher unemployment rate.
However
, I believe that proper management can address these concerns. In conclusion, it seems rational to accept that the more a society cares about
science
-related majors, the more benefits it will be provided with,
however
, some may argue that it can exacerbate job competition.
Submitted by samirakasraee72 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and addresses the prompt effectively. However, try to provide a bit more depth in your arguments and examples to strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas flow logically and coherently throughout the essay. To further enhance coherence, consider using more linking words and phrases to better connect sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and effective introduction and conclusion, making your main point easily identifiable.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples, such as your personal experience as a surgeon assistant, which adds credibility to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • allocated
  • advancements
  • innovative
  • initial costs
  • global challenges
  • resilience
  • sustainability
  • knowledge dissemination
  • opportunity cost
  • poverty alleviation
  • balancing funding priorities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: