Many young people do not know how to manage their money when graduating high school. What do you think are the reasons? What can be done to teach them this important skill?
The managing
Correct article usage
Managing
of
money is an important skill everyone should possess. Change preposition
apply
However
, most new-graduated students lack such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
this
ability. There are several underlying reasons associated with this
phenomenon. In this
essay, I will delve into some pivotal factors involved in this
subject and try to propose some solutions to address them.
To begin
with, I think there is a problem in the education system; because they
main concentration is on natural science rather than human science, Correct your spelling
the
as a consequence
students don't learn primary necessary skills in their schools. For example
, in most private schools, when individuals finish their education, they are really good at mathematics or the like but hardly one of them knows about business, investment and so on.
The second factor is back to families, they don't allow their children to contribute to the financial issues of the family. So, it is obvious that they will be less engaged in these subjects. For instance
, parents usually don't trust their children in financial subjects and do not ask for their point of view on them. This
may lead children to think that monetary affairs are trivial and are not worst
to be studied or learnt.
refining Correct word choice
bad enough
this
situation is possible. The way forward may be adding some basic human science like management, investment and the like in the sylabes
of education. The second solution would encompass more trust in our youngsters, assign them some budget for their practice in financial affairs like investment.
Correct your spelling
syllabus
To conclude
the aforementioned material, I must admit that students suffer from lacking basic knowledge about financial management as they graduate high school. It is because of some defects in their educational materials and the lack of real engagement with these issues. The probable solutions could be adding some courses about primary skills they need for living in society and training parents to give their kids this
opportunity to make a real contribution to the financial management of the family.Submitted by TUTOO on
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Depth of Examples
Expand upon your examples by detailing how adding human science subjects like management to the curriculum could directly enhance students' money management skills.
Depth of Argument
Explore more deeply into how increased trust and responsibility within families might practically improve young people's financial skills.
Clarity and Structure
To enhance readability, pay attention to your sentence structure and try to avoid longer, more complex sentences that may be harder to follow. Instead, opt for clarity and conciseness wherever possible.
Logical Connection
While discussing solutions, linking them more explicitly to the problems identified earlier could strengthen your argument, helping the reader to better grasp the connection between identified issues and your proposed solutions.
Comprehensive Coverage
You have successfully covered the required aspects of the question by discussing both the reasons behind young people's lack of money management skills and possible solutions.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, helping to frame your argument effectively and recap your main points succinctly.
Use of Examples
The examples, though could be further elaborated, provide a good starting point for illustrating the issues and solutions related to financial literacy among young graduates.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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