some people say that young people are much more influenced by their friend than their parents or teachers. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #friend #parents #teachers

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A group of individuals presents the view that youngsters are affected by their

friends

much more compared with their families and supervisors. To me,

this

perspective seems unreasonable, especially when considering both the amount of time we spend with our parents and

teachers

and scientific reasons. It is my view that since parents and

teachers

spend more time with teenagers, children are very likely to be affected by their behaviour and manners.

For example

, I can vividly remember that when my late grandfather decided to donate a sizeable amount of money to a charity, his decision had a long-lasting influence on me because we used to get along very well and he was my role model.

Conversely

, a friend of mine who was a really thrifty person, being reluctant to help those in need, failed to change my mind about being generous.

Furthermore

, our

teachers

teach us not only the importance of moral values but

also

the significance of being productive;

therefore

, their influence on our lives is definitely permanent, even if we find it difficult to realize it.

In contrast

, another group of people claims that, as opposed to children and their parents, there is

not an

Rephrase

show examples

age gap between teenagers and their

friends

, acting as a driving force to mimic their peers

who

Change the pronoun

whom

show examples

they admire.

However

, I do not find

this

argument as convincing as it appears to overlook both the genetic science and the reality that we usually take after those who are there for us.

Firstly

According to

a recent study,

although

friends

can have a subtle effect on our behaviour, it is temporary. It is

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

genetics that make a difference.

Friends

come and go, but as it says blood is thicker than water.

Secondly

, usually, when something bad comes up, our

friends

cannot support us as much as our

teacher

Fix the agreement mistake

teachers

show examples

; they do not have enough knowledge and resources.

To conclude

, I completely disagree with the presented view because we usually have more quality time with our family and

teachers

Moreover

friends

usually fail to support us or teach us valuable life lessons

compare

Wrong verb form

compared

show examples

with family and

teacher

Fix the agreement mistake

teachers

show examples

Submitted by m.r.zamani1376678 on Wed Jan 10 2024

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task achievement

Ensure the introduction clearly presents the topic and your position. While your introduction mentions a perspective you find 'unreasonable,' it could directly state your agreement or disagreement with the statement.

task achievement

Work on constructing well-developed paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea with examples that are directly relevant and developed with more detail.

coherence cohesion

Use a range of cohesive devices effectively to structure your essay. While you show proficiency in this, there's room to enhance the logical flow and improve the connection between ideas.

coherence cohesion

Mind occasional lapses in grammar or vocabulary choices that could potentially impede comprehension. Be sure to review and refine your usage for accuracy and range.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

353 words

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some people say that young people are much more influenced by their friend than their parents or teachers. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people prefer the lifestyle and activities offered when living in a cold environment. Others prefer a hot environment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that the Internet is bringing people together by making the world smaller. Do you agree that the Internet is making it easier for people to communicate with one another?

Somepeopleprefertolivewitharoommate.Othersprefer to live alone. Compare the advantages of each choice. Which of these two options do you prefer? Use specific reasons to support your answer

In some countries today, children are taught from a young age that competition is important and that winning is everything. Is this a positive or a negative development?

Fossil fuels are the main source of energy around the world today. In some countries, the use of alternative sources of energy is replacing fossil fuels. Is this a positive or negative development?