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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that there has to be an age limit regarding the users of social media to prevent possible problems they can cause. Do you agree or disagree? Do you think it is logical to design a social media application only for children and teenagers?

#people #age #limit #users #media #design #application #children #teenagers
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In today's
information
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age
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, the pervasive nature of social
media
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 initiates some concerns about dividing their audience by
age
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 groups to address the negative potential implications of the
media
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. From my point of view, it is really necessary to set the limitation for younger contacts in every application. Both agreement and disagreement will be discussed in the following context. In an attempt to discover how social
media
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 can be harmful to children, we should recognize how they are exerted by the
media
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. A wide range of
information
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,
such
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 as images and videos
are
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is
show examples
 uploaded through the Internet, which can be not suitable for offspring.
Moreover
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, in the technology era, most software is downloaded for free without verifying the
age
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 of their users, and their administrations are not responsible for the
information
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 that they send.
For example
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, children can easily install one of them, and watch some pictures or movies which is not produced for those under 18. Some believe that immediate action should be taken by the barons and tycoons to prevent these issues.
In contrast
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, others assume that it can be elective for all users to what
information
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 they want to pursue, watch and/or release in the mainstream
media
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.
In addition
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, they believe
age
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 limitation is freedom right violent.
According to
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this
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 group's view, parents can set an
age
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 limit to access social
media
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 for their households individually, but it does not need to be performed by the owners of the
media
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.
Furthermore
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, they think that how these obstacles are more, the users are provoked more to follow them. In conclusion, it can be mentioned that we cannot ignore the potential threats of the
media
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. I opine that it is really necessary that contacts of all programs must be divided by their
age
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.
Additionally
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, it is logical to initiate some
media
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 applications only for the children and the youth to ensure that they are less under threat.
Submitted by mortezashamsa on

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task achievement
To improve your task achievement, provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. For instance, mention particular types of harmful content or specific social media platforms when discussing the negative impacts on children.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to your thesis statement and that there is a clear progression of ideas. Using transition words more effectively can help with this.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are present and contribute to the overall structure of the essay.
task achievement
The main points are clearly identified, and there is a good attempt to discuss both sides of the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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