IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #information #research #business #world
It is argued that sharing knowledge extensively in the fields of science, business, and technology is beneficial for society,
however
, there are some who consider the unrestricted flow of valuable
information
 to be dangerous. It's hard to take sides in
this
 argument, I believe that there are certain situations where both parties are right, and will discuss both views. On the one hand, it is believed that knowledge is a gift from almighty God and is meant to be shared with everyone. There are two important reasons for
this
.
Firstly
, the widespread of
information
 helps us to innovate the working conditions which makes
people
's lives easier and better,
for instance
, in 1800, construction workers had to manually load heavy construction items onto each floor of a tall building, but with the advantage of mechanised tools, we have powerful cranes that lift items with ease and the workers are no longer required to waste their energy.
Secondly
, free and accessible
information
 is essential for students to study.
According to
 a survey, in 1990, when there was less number of active students using the internet, the passing rate was merely 60%, but with the increase in usage of the internet, students are now able to better prepare for their exams and score a good grade, and the passing rate rose to 90% in 2005.
Conversely
, many oppose the idea of sharing knowledge freely because it may end up in the wrong hands. These criminals can exploit
this
 free
information
 to harm and scam
people
. There are many pages on the internet that teach
people
 how to hack. They may hack
people
's personal banking accounts;
for instance
, in Russia, nearly 400 hackers were arrested because they stole
people
's account credentials by creating fake banking portals.
Moreover
, vulnerable
information
such
 as nuclear technology can cause nations to obtain nuclear bombs that have the potential to exterminate global civilisation.
To conclude
, I strongly recommend that the
information
 be filtered by the authorities before it is made available to the general public;
otherwise
, it may have dire consequences.
Submitted by shahroz99dev on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Strive to elaborate more on your own opinion to fulfill the 'give your own opinion' aspect of the prompt clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
What to do next:
Look at other essays: