IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
In some nations
almost
Correct your spelling
across
show examples
 the world, rural
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 are moving to metropolitan
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
,
thus
 the population in the oversite is declining. All in all,
this
 essay will prove the pros and cons information about
impact
 of the Individuals
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
living in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 moving to urban
place
Change the noun form
places
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,
such
 as increasing income and improving experience,
whereas
Correct word choice
while
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, growing up
pollution
Change preposition
with pollution
show examples
. Moving for more details, there are several
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 impacts for individuals who take moving to big
cities
.
Firstly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society moving to big urban for
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 knowledge and
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
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 profit.
Moreover
, those are making to independent on financial for the worker. And
then
, the number of born number who live in big
cities
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 using public transportation.
However
, the persons will go up
incoming
Correct your spelling
in coming
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 in
sector
Add an article
the sector
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 of economic.
The
Correct article usage
Lastly
show examples
lastly
, the growth of people who searching
job
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for job
show examples
 go up when
do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
at
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
job
Add an article
the job
a job
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 fair.
On
Change preposition
For
show examples
 instance, the Kompas News Found that the person who moved to Jakarta from Lampung increased significantly from 20% in 2012 to 70% in 2022.
Thus
, there are various pros for society,
environment
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the environment
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 and
Correct article usage
the economic
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economic
Replace the word
economy
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.
On the other hand
, the cons
impact
 of humans
move
Wrong verb form
moving
show examples
 to metropolitan areas.
First,
the
impact
 of
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
public
Change preposition
in public
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 transportation go up sharply
Change preposition
in pollutant
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pollutant
Fix the agreement mistake
pollutants
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 in big
cities
.
Moreover
, it is
impact
Correct article usage
an impact
show examples
 for
increase
Change the verb form
increasing
show examples
 global
warning
Correct your spelling
warming
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.
Next,
the total of people who
staying
Change the form of the verb
stay
show examples
 in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 decrease, so it will
be impacting for
Wrong verb form
impact
show examples
 poor public
facility
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facilities
show examples
 and
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 care.
For example
, in Surabaya have been increasing steadily car since 2022, so
making
Verb problem
apply
show examples
air pollution
rise
Wrong verb form
has risen
show examples
 significantly during the period. And
then
, there are several impacts
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
environment
Add an article
the environment
an environment
show examples
 in big
cities
. In sum, the individuals who
moving
Change the form of the verb
move
show examples
 to big
cities
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 been
impacting
Replace the word
impact
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 humans, which will be having
impact
 negative and positive.
However
,
it is clear that
 the idea of people moving there will be
predicting
Wrong verb form
predicted
show examples
 for some
stakeholder
Fix the agreement mistake
stakeholders
show examples
such
 as
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
, society and local
NGO
Fix the agreement mistake
NGOs
show examples
 work together.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a logical structure which makes it challenging to follow your argument. Introduction and conclusion are present but they do not encapsulate the essence of your discussion effectively. It would be beneficial to have a more logical flow of ideas, with clear paragraphing that separates the introduction, body, and conclusion distinctly. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea supported by subsequent sentences that expand on that idea.
task achievement
You've attempted to respond to the prompt, but your response doesn't fully develop a clear position throughout the essay. Your ideas need to be expanded upon to form convincing arguments and this could be achieved by explaining key points more comprehensively. Further, work on providing more relevant examples to underpin your claims, and ensure that your essay remains focused on the task by consistently discussing the implications of rural to urban migration, whether positive or negative.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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