IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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A number of individuals think that a competitive surrounding is more beneficial than a cooperative society for children ,
while
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 others consider it
otherwise
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.
Although
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 non-stop struggle plays a key role in facing any difficulty and makes teenager confident, I believe that mutual act leads them to seek moral values and creativity to achieve their objectives. On the one hand, a relentless move in stress capable the scholar to see disputes without any fear. A mediocre learner couldn’t know his hidden talent until he had to war with a superior one.
Moreover
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,
such
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 competitors have an acute mindset of self-possession,
thus
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, continuous win becomes a strength to gain their lofty goals.
For example
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, leading research in America has stated that Kahuna Khan,a sportsman, defeated the opposite strong team because he knew better how to score in a fierce condition even for a short duration.
On the other hand
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, teamwork is a vital platform that imparts a positive attitude to live in a society. Sharing knowledge, exchanging goods, and completing tasks in a group results in stronger relationships.
Furthermore
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, sharing habits dispenses a large collection of facts which helps to construct mindfulness.
For instance
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, the community could solve their matters easily if they have a decent feeling of courtesy and empathy. I opine that only a championship is not a finer display for the development of adults , a person with marvellous attributes builds a circle perfectly. In conclusion, despite the fact that
Correct article usage
the
show examples
opposition could outperform without any hassle and with greater spirit, I consider that a good collaboration could reduce high ethical deeds
as well as
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 determination without giving up.

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task achievement
Your essay satisfactorily addresses both views of the argument and provides your opinion. However, it could benefit from more detailed and clear explanations for some points to ensure that they are fully understood.
coherence cohesion
The essay flows reasonably well and your ideas are logically structured. However, there are moments where the flow could be improved with smoother transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Avoid using complex vocabulary incorrectly. This can lead to confusion and detract from the clarity of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in providing a solid structure.
task achievement
You included relevant examples to support your points, which enhances the task achievement score.
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