IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is good to sharer as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #sharer #information #research #business #world
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The debate about whether
information
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 should be freely shared in fields like scientific
research
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, business, and academics is quite complex. On one hand, some people argue that sharing
information
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 openly can speed up innovation and growth,
while
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 others believe that some
information
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 must be limited
due to
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 its value or sensitivity. In my opinion, both perspectives have valid
point
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points
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, but we need to find
balance
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a balance
the balance
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 between transparency and confidentiality. Sharing
information
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 openly is crucial to
advance
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advancing
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 knowledge and technology.
In scientific
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Scientific
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research
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,
for
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instance
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instance,
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 can allow
other researcher
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another researcher
other researchers
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 to continue
research
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used
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using
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 the existing work to find new discoveries and innovations.
This
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 collaboration can provide
benefit
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benefits
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 in
field
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fields
show examples
such
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 as medicine that in some cases can contribute to
found
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finding
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 new treatments and cures.
For example
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, during the COVID-19 pandemic, the sharing of scientific
research
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 globally is important in developing vaccines.
Similarly
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, in
academic
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the academic
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 world, the free exchange of
idea
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ideas
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 and
information
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help
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helps
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 to educate and empower scholars to become critical
thinker
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thinkers
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. In
business
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the business
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 world, sharing
information
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 can lead to efficiency and massive growth in
economy
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the economy
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 in general.
Furthermore
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, transparency of
information
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 access can help small
business
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businesses
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 and new
startup
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startups
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 to compete with larger
company
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companies
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.
Furthermore
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, some argue that not all
information
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 can
freely
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be freely
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 accessible
due to
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 the potential for exploitation.
For example
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,
in
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on
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 the wrong hand,
research
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 about bioweapons and hacking techniques can be used for bad purposes
,
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and, as
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as a
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result
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result,
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 can cause big
problem
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problems
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to
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for
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 our society. In advance,
safeguard
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safeguarding
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to
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apply
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some crucial
information
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 must be protected. In conclusion, in spite of many reasons to support the free exchange of
information
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, especially for
greater
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the greater
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 good of society, it is equally important to protect some substantial
information
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. By doing balancing, we can maximize the benefits of shared knowledge
while
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 minimizing the risks associated with its misuse.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Try to make your arguments clearer and more specific. For example, detail how exactly scientific research benefits from open information sharing.
task achievement
Ensure that your points are well-developed and supported with detailed examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on making your ideas flow more naturally from one to another. Using transition words and phrases can help improve this.
overall
Address grammar and spelling issues, such as subject-verb agreement and word choice, to make your essay more polished.
task achievement
You've provided a balanced view on the topic, discussing both sides of the argument, which is good for a comprehensive discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear start and ending.
task achievement
Including relevant examples, like the case of COVID-19 vaccine development, strengthens your argument.
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