The growth of multinational companies and the resulting rise of globalization creates positive effects for all. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In contemporary times, one school of thought holds that the development of international corporations and
existing
Correct article usage
the existing
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value of globalization brings beneficial value for all works of life.
While
I accept
this
perception is somewhat justified, I believe that phenomenon
also
causes some drawbacks to that notion. On the one hand, it is understandable why global firms and globalization contribute to the development of nations. First and foremost, it could enhance the living standards of those nations. In fact, global corporations are likely to have huge revenues,
therefore
, they could contribute to that nation by paying taxes.
As a result
, the governments could improve public infrastructure, social services, and welfare
as well as
pass some laws to support ordinary citizens, especially the underprivileged.
Furthermore
, the trend of globalization and multinational cooperation could improve the economics of underdeveloped and developing countries.
For example
, poorer countries could receive investments from international funding and global organizations, thereby creating numerous jobs through expanding business,
such
as building manufacturing plants, establishing
companies’
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companies
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branches, or even sharing core technologies.
On the other hand
, there are a host of compelling reasons why I am convinced that a rise in worldwide cooperation and companies might cause some great disadvantages to certain extents. One rationale is that several cultural customs could be extinct. To be more specific, without protection from governing bodies, local cultures could be eliminated by multinational ones, which not only could lead to diminishing ethnic diversity but
also
weakening social stabilization because of differences in cultures. Another justification is that
this
trend could harm smaller businesses.
For instance
, an increase in the number of business empires with abundant financial sources,
such
as Samsung, Apple, or Microsoft means that other start-up companies more struggle to survive and develop. Needless to say, those international firms could manipulate the price and market, or even control the whole country in the worst scenario. In conclusion,
while
it is irrefutable that international integration and global corporations play a crucial role in various aspects of the world, I would contend that
this
tendency
also
has serious demerits that the authorities should take into consideration.
Submitted by khoihoangtrong96 on

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task achievement
While your essay covers a wide range of arguments, make sure to clarify the balance of your views. Clearly state whether you agree or disagree in the introduction and revisit this in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea. While your ideas are well-developed, occasionally, the arguments within a single paragraph can seem a bit disjointed.
task achievement
To improve your writing further, consider providing more specific examples. While your examples are relevant, more detailed or varied examples could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is very well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good sense of closure
task achievement
Your main points are supported with relevant examples, and you have developed your ideas clearly and comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Your use of transitional phrases and cohesive devices is impressive. It helps in maintaining a logical flow throughout the essay.
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