With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered and some are even facing extinction.

Animals
are one of the unique creatures which have been endangered in the
last
couple of years owing to human activities, hunting season, and global warming which is affecting their
habitat
.
Hence
, in
this
essay, I will discuss reasons why we must protect
animals
and measures which can be taken to minimize
this
problem. As we all know,
animals
are very crucial to maintaining the stability of the environment because they are involved in the food chain. Based on my experience, if the
animals
are not protected by humans, there will be a mess in the ecosystems which will affect our lives eventually.
Besides
, wild
animals
can be useful for children's learning because most of the science lectures come from wildlife;
therefore
, it is very important for us to protect them, so students can learn about the details of their
habitat
and wildlife environment continuously in Biology class.
Therefore
, there are numerous steps that can be taken to solve
this
problem.
First,
we must build a protected forest which can help
animals
live in their natural
habitat
without any disturbance from hunters or illegal hunting.
Second,
we need a law that prohibits animal hunting, especially exotic
animals
, which can help us protect them from extinction, so they can live securely in their natural
habitat
. In conclusion, we must protect the
animals
because they can create a stable environment and are very useful for students' science lectures building a conservation area and creating laws about animal hunting as part of the best solutions to handle
this
issue.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences support this main idea. For instance, the second body paragraph can be expanded with more concrete examples of how protected forests have successfully helped certain species.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. You mention the importance of wild animals to children's learning and a stable environment, but more concrete instances would enhance your task response.
task achievement
Be careful with grammar and vocabulary. There are minor errors, such as 'animals are one of the unique creatures' which should be 'animals are unique creatures.'
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively frames the argument.
task achievement
You have correctly identified key reasons and solutions related to protecting endangered animals, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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