With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered and some are even facing extinction.

#deforestation #development #species #extinction

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Animals

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are one of the unique creatures which have been endangered in the

last

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couple of years owing to human activities, hunting season, and global warming which is affecting their

habitat

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Hence

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, in

this

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essay, I will discuss reasons why we must protect

animals

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and measures which can be taken to minimize

this

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problem. As we all know,

animals

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are very crucial to maintaining the stability of the environment because they are involved in the food chain. Based on my experience, if the

animals

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are not protected by humans, there will be a mess in the ecosystems which will affect our lives eventually.

Besides

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, wild

animals

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can be useful for children's learning because most of the science lectures come from wildlife;

therefore

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, it is very important for us to protect them, so students can learn about the details of their

habitat

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and wildlife environment continuously in Biology class.

Therefore

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, there are numerous steps that can be taken to solve

this

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problem.

First,

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we must build a protected forest which can help

animals

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live in their natural

habitat

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without any disturbance from hunters or illegal hunting.

Second,

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we need a law that prohibits animal hunting, especially exotic

animals

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, which can help us protect them from extinction, so they can live securely in their natural

habitat

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. In conclusion, we must protect the

animals

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because they can create a stable environment and are very useful for students' science lectures building a conservation area and creating laws about animal hunting as part of the best solutions to handle

this

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issue.

Submitted by riani.the2 on Mon Aug 19 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences support this main idea. For instance, the second body paragraph can be expanded with more concrete examples of how protected forests have successfully helped certain species.

task achievement

Provide more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. You mention the importance of wild animals to children's learning and a stable environment, but more concrete instances would enhance your task response.

task achievement

Be careful with grammar and vocabulary. There are minor errors, such as 'animals are one of the unique creatures' which should be 'animals are unique creatures.'

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively frames the argument.

task achievement

You have correctly identified key reasons and solutions related to protecting endangered animals, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

256 words

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With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered and some are even facing extinction.

Fully explain your ideas

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