Many countries thought children have to do homework in their free time while others say children should do more outdoor activity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that some say that young should play sports in their spare
time
, while
others say that they should do their homework
. This
essay totally argues with the second statement, because by doing homework
child will have knowledge and with learning, he can find the profession that he really wants.
Firstly
, doing homework
in your free time
can give kids a lot of important things. Doing homework
and searching unknown
stuff can improve a child's intelligence and with that, he will be more advanced than some of his peers who play football at that Change preposition
for unknown
time
. For example
, my brother Arman was the type of person who studied every their free time
and a few days ago he got an invitation from Harvard and I can say that he was in
his way to success.
Change preposition
on
Secondly
, by learning something every day, people can find their place in society. Some children also
find their favourite profession and definitely can suggest people learn something in their spare time
, but not running after the ball,
if they do not want to be professional sportsmen. Remove the comma
apply
For instance
, my sister every time
she found the time
, her doing was playing volleyball with her friends and it was not because she loved this
sport. It is due to
her friends ever calling her to leave home to play valleyball and now she regrets this
and gives more attention to lessons.
In conclusion, some people say that minors must play outside in their leisure time
, while
others say that it will be better for them to do some lessons and I think the second one will be good for youth to know more information and they can find their future job with learning different things.Submitted by Kawasaki on
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coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well-developed. The essay could benefit from more detailed examples and further explanation of points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction clearly outlines the main argument and the conclusion effectively summarizes key points. Consider elaborating more in the middle paragraphs to develop ideas thoroughly.
task achievement
Make an effort to include more specific details and evidence to support your main points. Providing varied examples can strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Work on expanding the discussion with more comprehensive ideas and explanations. Avoid any repetitive statements and make sure each point adds value to your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay introduces and concludes the argument effectively, providing a clear opinion.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as those regarding the writer's siblings, are relevant and help illustrate the main points.
Your opinion
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