Young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities such as hiking and climbing in nature. Why is this? And how can we encourage them to go out?
Young individuals do not spend their vacations and weekends doing outdoor pursuits like hiking, climbing and camping in
nature
. This
essay discusses why is this
and how can we encourage them to go out.
On the one hand, nowadays, our technology is developed so we can use many IT devices such
as smartphones and tablets. Moreover
, most young generations have those gadgets so they can communicate with each other using devices; consequently
, they want to spend time
in their home more than outside. In addition
, young people who live in South Korea do not have spare time
because they must go to academies when finishing their classes and as a result
, they cannot spend time
doing outdoor activities. For example
, some South Korean parents want their children to pursue professional jobs like doctors, lawyers and judges. For
this
reason, they send their offspring to a lot of academies so, numerous juveniles spend most time
in those facilities. Therefore
, they do not want to go to nature
or do outdoor sports because they have to study every weekend and even on their holidays.
On the other hand
, we should teach some parents because, in society, there are a lot of jobs so their scions can choose various methods. Furthermore
, if children get many experiences, it is beneficial for their mental development. For instance
, some studies show that if youngsters spend time
doing outdoor sports like camping, hiking and climbing, it helps grow their independence and they feel interested in doing those things, it also
assists their social communities hence
they want often to go to nature
. Because of that, many young generations are influenced by their parents or adults; so, we do not send them to academies and try to go to nature
together, which leads to we can make encourage them.
In conclusion, today, we can use a variety of IT devices even youth generations so, they do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities. However
, it is not good for them because if they spend time
in their house all day, it brings diseases such
as obesity and diabetes. So, we must encourage them to go to do outside sports, and that leads to healthy mental and prevent disease.Submitted by livewire53 on
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task achievement
Expand on how technology's role could be tweaked to support outdoor activities, thus presenting a balanced viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a variety of sentence structures to enhance the flow and readability of the essay.
task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or data to reinforce your arguments, specifically in the sections discussing the impact of outdoor activities on youth.
task achievement
Effective introduction of the topic, presenting the issue clearly and engagingly.
task achievement
Good use of examples, particularly the South Korean educational system, to illustrate points.
task achievement
Solid conclusion summarizing the main points and reiterating the importance of outdoor activities for youth.
coherence cohesion
Structured paragraphs with a clear logical flow, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.