Some people say that music plays an important role in society, while others believe that it is simply a form of entertainment for individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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One school of thought holds that

music

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is merely a form of recreation,

while

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others are of the opinion that it plays an integral part in our society.

This

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essay will closely examine both viewpoints before concluding that I lean towards the latter. Admittedly, there are compelling reasons why some believe that

music

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is just a form of entertainment. Proponents of

this

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may argue that

music

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helps individuals unwind after prolonged hours at the workplace or school. Many genres of

music

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have been proven to have a significant impact on people’s mood swings, and some have been shown to reduce stress or enhance relaxation.

For instance

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, dance

music

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can uplift spirits,

while

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slower, soothing melodies

such

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as classical are often used to calm the mind. Each is invented to accommodate the different needs of the audience.

Additionally

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music

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concerts of renowned singers can be conducive to bringing about joy and engagement to many young people. These events often create a sense of community and shared experience, as thousands of fans come together to celebrate it. Attending concerts creates memorable and meaningful experiences, bringing a sense of fulfilment and amusement that helps divert the audience’s mind from distressing concerns. Despite the aforementioned arguments, I align with those advocating for the role of

music

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that goes far beyond the form of entertainment. Listening to

music

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can cultivate a sense of national pride in the public.

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, national anthems will be played at all international competitions

such

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as the World Cup or the Olympics, where they serve to inspire and boost athletes’ spirits.

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reminds them of the support from their country and motivates them to perform at their best.

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music

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acts as an important fabric of the cultural tapestry, preserving and promoting cultural values and heritage. Each region has its own heritage and culture and

music

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could represent the significance of indigenous activities or long-standing cultures.

For instance

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, Cai Luong of Vietnam often reflects local cultures, beliefs, and historical narratives through its lyrics and different types of instruments.

This

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distinction in lyrics, melodies and sounds

are

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believed to showcase local’s people

personality

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personalities

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and

tradition

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traditions

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, thereby maintaining cultural identity and continuity, offering insight into the region's society to future generations and foreigners. In conclusion,

while

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acknowledging the use of

music

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as a means of entertainment, I am more convinced that

music

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plays a crucial role in cultivating patriotism and preserving the region’s culture.

kkhanhnhitr0801Wed Aug 21 2024

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Task Achievement

Consider expanding on the introduction to provide a clearer indication of the two viewpoints that will be discussed. Although the essay presents both views clearly, an elaboration regarding what the two views entail would strengthen the introduction.

Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure each paragraph sticks to one main idea to avoid any potential confusion. For example, the paragraph discussing music as a form of entertainment sometimes veers into more societal roles of music like creating a shared community experience.

Task Achievement

The essay effectively balances the discussion of both views, providing strong examples and clarifications for each perspective.

Task Achievement

The use of specific examples, such as how national anthems are used or how specific types of music represent cultural identity, helps to illustrate the points very well.

Coherence and Cohesion

Logical structure is well-maintained through the essay, with smooth transitions between paragraphs that make it easy to follow the argument.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

402 words

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