IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Shops are open throughout the day. Is it a positive or negative for locals and the shop markets themselves? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge and experience.

Nowadays, fast-paced modern life requires
markets
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 and stores to work a whole
day
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 without a break. I view
this
Linking Words
 change as mostly beneficial. Opening the
shops
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 all
day
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 can lead to mental disorders among employees who work all the shifts. The immense pressure of doing the same task repeatedly for a long time may cause not only physical damage, but
also
Linking Words
 mental issues like stress, anxiety, and tiredness for workers. On top of that,
shops
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 that run throughout the
day
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 may disturb the local resident who lives near them. Especially during the night-time, when the majority of people are resting, the customers who buy items and shop may create noise and light pollution with their cars and all shiny lighting systems. These drawbacks cannot be compared to the benefits of all-
day
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 running
shops
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. Since these
markets
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 work daily without a break, they can serve the customers at any time. People with a busy schedule can gain most of the advantage by doing their groceries later in the
day
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, a lot of the big
markets
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 and
shops
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also
Linking Words
 offer entertainment
such
Linking Words
 as cinemas, games, and playgrounds, which can be a great stress reliever and paradise for people who have sleeping disorders. Beyond these benefits, shop owners
also
Linking Words
 come out as winners in these circumstances as they can increase their profits by opening their
shops
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 throughout the
day
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. The majority of
markets
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 naturally can sell more goods thanks to the longer opening hours, which eventually leads to more profit and benefit. Working at night comes with challenges;
thus
Linking Words
 not no shop owner dares to take a risk, so it means fewer competition for those who do. In conclusion, despite having drawbacks for running the
shops
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 all
day
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 long, there are considerable benefits,
such
Linking Words
 as anytime purchases for customers and huge profits for shopkeepers.

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task achievement
Improve the introduction by clearly stating your position at the beginning and mentioning the reasons you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Add more linking words to connect ideas better, making the flow smoother.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points, showing deeper understanding and relevance.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear argument and present both sides of the situation.
task achievement
You mention important points like employee stress and profit for shop owners, which are relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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