Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
A certain number of children use their smartphones for hours
everyday
.
Replace the word
every day
This
habit can get
a negative development, Verb problem
have
also
as a positive. In this
essay, I will discuss about reason of
Change preposition
for
this
case and pros
and cons of Correct article usage
the pros
this
activity, and end it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
with
giving Change preposition
by
own
opinion to Correct pronoun usage
my own
conclusion
.
The main cause that children waste their time Add an article
a conclusion
the conclusion
in
Change preposition
on
the
Correct article usage
apply
smarthphones
massively is a lack of attention from Correct your spelling
smartphones
Correct pronoun usage
their surrounders
surrounders
which could lead to Correct your spelling
surroundings
the
closing in on themselves and trying to find love and attention that they could not receive in Correct pronoun usage
them
the
early childhood when they are only Correct article usage
apply
were
developing.
Unnecessary verb
apply
Furthermore
, using the smarphones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
smartphone
instead
of walking and any other leisure activities definetely
would lead to the health diseases like Correct your spelling
definitely
an
spine and eye disorders, Change the article
a
moreover
obesity and diabetics can be caused too. When you Add a comma
moreover,
sitting
Wrong verb form
sit
in
Change preposition
on
the
smartphone and do not have any physical activities you will overrelaxed, and it is very possible that you will not Change the word
your
sleeping
at night enough. We know, that sleep Change the verb form
sleep
be sleeping
deficite
Correct your spelling
deficiency
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
paucity
of melatonin a single helper of insulin which Correct article usage
a paucity
do
one of the major processes in our Verb problem
is
organizm
: reducing Correct your spelling
organisation
a
glucose in our blood . Remove the article
apply
Additionally
, my own experience shows that lack of sleeping cause
diabetics Replace the word
sleep causes
undoubtely
.
Correct your spelling
undoubtedly
Conversely
, using smartphones for a very long time in a day can be profitable for someone. For example
, bloggers who
represent their self-development Correct pronoun usage
apply
in
the Internet to Change preposition
on
earning
money because of their attention. I think sometimes it gives to other people who Wrong verb form
earn
watches
videos where someone is Change the verb form
watch
succesfull
can motivate them and inspire Correct your spelling
successful
to
work and use their smartphones as the source of earning Correct pronoun usage
them to
a
money.
Remove the article
apply
To conclude
, I believe that, in many instances
it will get a negative development than a Add a comma
instances,
Correct your spelling
positive
posive
ones, even if people use their Correct your spelling
positive
smatphones
in a good way, they Correct your spelling
smartphones
also
need a
physical activitiesCorrect article usage
apply
Submitted by talgattan4ez on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
grammar
Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. This will help to convey your ideas more clearly.
task response
Ensure all your main points are well-supported with relevant examples and explanations. This will strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Develop the logical structure of your essay by organizing paragraphs more effectively. Each paragraph should cover one main idea.
task response
There is a clear attempt to address both the reasons why children spend hours on their smartphones and the positive and negative consequences of this behavior.
coherence and cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, providing a basic structure.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.