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Band 7.5

Some people get a chance to choose between life without work and spending most of the time working, then they would choose not to work. Agree or disagree?

#people #chance #life #work #time
since time immemorial, occupation and leisure have become an indispensable part of humans' lives.
although
 some prefer to choose unemployment, I believe that a career is of great importance in individuals' lives for some reasons that are going to be argued in
this
 essay. To commence with, professional pursuits can provide one with a structure and plenty of goals conducive to a meaningful life.
For instance
, teenagers select to pursue their education in certain fields and try to move in parallel with their goals.
Thus
, not only can
careers
 channel individuals' personal lives but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can
also
 instil motivation in them leading to psychological virtues
such
 as self-contentment. Another justification can be the financial vexations that can associated with unemployment. To illustrate, in the present climate, it is of great importance to have a well-paid job to afford the high expenditures of life
otherwise
 one would be deprived of even basic facilities
such
 as a healthcare service or proper education.
Therefore
, professions are of great significance for more welfare.
On the other hand
, some argue that those who have no
careers
 can dedicate their time to hobbies that suit their passion. It is,
also
, opined that these groups can experience less stress and pressure linked to
careers
 leading to maintaining good physical and mental health. I,
however
, find myself in disagreement with them as the majority of individuals need money to be met and
this
 will not be achieved unless, with an income source, jobs are the main source in most of the cases.
In addition
, vocational
careers
 are capable of enhancing physical well-being, as well. In conclusion, it seems rational to accept that not only are appropriate professional pursuits infallible precursors to more welfare but
also
 they can be incentives.
Submitted by samirakasraee72 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain coherence.
task achievement
Clarify your stance in the introduction more explicitly to strengthen the essay's overall argument.
task achievement
Try to avoid overly complex sentence structures, which can sometimes obscure your intended message.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
supported main points
Each argument is adequately supported with relevant examples and explanations.
task achievement
The language used is formal and suitable for an academic essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • constraints of employment
  • immerse
  • personal fulfillment
  • enhanced relationships
  • work-related stress
  • professional achievements
  • financial insecurity
  • societal backlash
  • cultural expectations
  • identity and worth
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